Destiels Meeting
by pudding5
Summary: Sam lives with Dean. Castiel lives with Jess. Sam wants to move in with Jess. His solution-swap room mates. Only one problem. He has to tell Dean. AU and there is past abuse. I do NOT agree with abuse in any way it is part of the story.


Dean walked through the front door of the house he shared with his brother Sammy, sorry _SAM,_ covered in grease and oil from his job at Singers Auto. He was exhausted after a shitty day of tools that were misplaced and snotty customers. Normally Bobby wouldnt him have dealing with people, as Dean had a reputation of being a surly bastard with idjits but a genius with anything on wheels. Dean just knew that he had no tolerence for stupidity. And in his books anyone who didnt look after their car was an idiot. Outside of work Dean had a different reputation, one that said he would sleep with anything on two legs and a heartbeat. Rumour had it that he used to be in a relationship with someone called Jo, but she broke his heart and he wouldn't risk getting hurt anymore so he only had one night stands. The only constants in his life apart from Bobby, who was more of a father that his own father had been and his brother Sam was a 1967 black Chevy Impala, and heaven help anyone who messed with his brother or his Baby. Dean could hear Sam in his room, that girly music he listened to playing softly in the background as Sam studied. Dean shook his head sadly, he couldn't understand where the kid got his godawful taste in music from. He slammed the door behind him, a warning to Sam that he was home, and toed off his boots. It might not have been much, but it was his, bought with an unexpected windfall in the shape of a life insurance policy on his dad. Dean didn't care where the money came from. He was just glad that for once, in his dad's miserable existence, he did something to help his boys. Dean had already earmarked Sammy's half for a house when his brother graduated from University, something Sam didn't know about yet. He thought Dean had used it all to buy this house and Dean was happy to let him think that. Sam came to the top of the stairs and said "There's a lasagne in the oven warming up. It'll be ready after you shower." "Thanks dude" Dean said with a grin as he reached the top of the stairs, "What are you eating?" Sam just laughed at his brothers teasing, used to his brothers appetite. "There's more than enough to feed even you and I tossed a salad to go with it." Sam laughed again at the bitchface his brother throws him, "And yes, Dean you will eat some salad as well." Even though Dean grumbled about "Rabbit food, really Sammy?" Sam knew it was just for show.

Dean headed into the bathroom and stripped his filthy clothes off, still moaning about salad. Loudly. Smiling as he heard Sam laugh. Throwing the clothes in the dirty hamper, he mused that the only reason he bought the house, was because it had a steam shower. And almost endless hot water, which Dean appreciated. Especially after years off trying to remove grease and oil in too small showers, with no water pressure and almost always never enough hot water, because when his little brother (6' 3" in stocking feet) always managed to get home first and have first dibs at the shower there was never any hot water left. Dean, no slouch in the height department, (6' 1" in his stocking feet) while not overly muscled, was well toned from his work as a mechanic, turned the shower on as hot as possible and stretched his arms out, glad that his elbows didn't hit the walls. Dean groaned as the steaming water and excellent water pressure loosened tense muscles, even some he didn't know he had. He moaned again, glad that Sam can't hear him, it's not that he's shy about letting everybody know when something pleases him, he would just rather not give his brother any more teasing ammo. Sam already has enough of that already because it doesn't seem to matter if its food, especially pie or a relaxing of muscles in a shower, he can't help himself, and he's especially vocal when it comes to sex. It didn't matter if he was with someone or just by himself. He was loud and Sammy had heard him on more than one, blush causing occasion. Although it was a lot of alone time lately, he hadn't seen a lot of other people action lately as he was working as many hours as Bobby would give him, putting Sam through school without touching Sammy's house nest egg required it. "Not that I mind," he thought, "It's been me and Sam against the world for years now. At least when he finshes it'll be my turn to mooch of HIM." He heard a fist pound on the door and a voice yelling "Come on Dean lasagne's ready, put the soap down and hurry up. You know what they say you'll get hair on your palms. And you'll go blind and I'm not looking after your blind hairy handed arse." Turning of the shower Dean yelled back "Haha very funny bitch" and heard "Jerk" floating on the air and Sam thundering down the stairs. Pulling on a pair of worn jeans that had holes in the knees and an old AC/DC tshirt, Dean headed downstairs, his stomach protesting about his lack of lunch. Loudly. He entered the kitchen to find Sam already seated, a plate of salad and lasagne in front of him. On the table Dean could see another plate heaped with his own homemade lasagne and a small plate of salad. He could also see that Sam had placed an already open beer on the table beside the plate. Dean smiled to himself, Sammy wanted something and Dean was going to make him squirm. "Whats the occasion Sammy?" Dean asked his brother. Sam ducked his head, his slightly too long hair covering his face, and hiding his blush. He should have known that his brother would realise something was up. "Sam," Dean warned, his mouth full of pasta, cheese and tomato sauce. He was starving, no time for lunch so when Sam just looked up and swallowed a couple of times without bitching about Dean's terrible manners Dean started to worry. "Spit it out sasquatch" Dean repeated, a worried tone creeping in. Sam puts his hands up in a don't worry gesture takes a deep breath and blurts out "I'm moving in with Jess and I told her we would do it tommorrow and since her cousin is living with her in the spare room and the walls there are paper thin I said he could move in here with you in a straight swop and you would be cool and wouldn't mind helping us move." It's said so fast its almost one word, any one else would have been telling Sam to slow down and repeat themselves. Dean, on the other hand had years of practice deciphering excited/nervous Samspeak so immediately got straight to the point. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up buddy. Just _when_ was I going to be _asked_ if it was alright with me?" Sam had the good grace to look ashamed and blushed. "Well we only just decided today. You know we've been talking about it for a while, and I did drop in to Bobbys' at lunch time to ask if it was OK with you, but then I seen you talking with that overdressed lady with the purse dog I knew it wasn't a good time."

"So" Dean drawls, "You come to my work at lunch, notice that Bobby has me doing something I hate at the best of times, even worse it's my least favourite type of customer to talk to, decide to take the lasagne I made myself out of the freezer, pour me a beer and let me have first crack at the hot water and then blurt out that you are moving in with Jess and her cousin is moving in here with me. You did all of that just so I'll be all soft and mushy and agree instantly." Dean knew his brother was up to something he didn't think it was this. Sam sighed and gave Dean his patented puppy dog eyes "Dean please, you know I'd be moving out soon anyway, but at least this way I know you'll have someone here to make sure you take care of yourself. And you'll have someone to fuss over." Dean tried to be firm and wanted to make Sammy squirm a bit more but knew as soon as the eyes were turned on, he would be putty and agree to anything. "Hey" he said instead, "What do you mean I need someone to fuss over. I don't fuss over anyone, only girls _fuss._" Sam knew he won and he just laughed at the tone of disgust in his brothers voice, "Dude you've been fussing over me for longer than I can remember. And you still do it, I mean who else works all day but still manage to put homemade food on the table." It was Dean's turn to blush and stammer at the pride and love he could hear in his brothers voice. "Anyway," Sam continued as he started clearing away the dinner dishes and bringing dessert to the table, "Castiel has had a hard life, he lost both his parents just after he was born and he was passed from family member to family member, like we were, but we were lucky, we still had each other and we eventually ended up at Bobby and Ellens. Castiel had no one until Jessica started here and got her own apartment. She asked Cas to join her and well now if I move in he'll feel uncomfortable, he knows me but he's shy and he doesn't want to be a third wheel." Dean opens his mouth to answer but a whiff of cinnamon hits his nose. "Wow Sammy, you must really want this, I mean bringing out the big guns of apple pie for dessert." Again Sam blushes and is silent, knowing that Dean has a weakness for apple pie and especially cinnamon. Just the slighest whiff of cinnamon will make him agree to anything or anyone. Dean lets Sam stew, revenge is sweet, while he enjoys his pie. The fact that he made it himself in no way lessened his enjoyment of it. Making Sam wait was an added bonus. "Fine Sam, Jess can have you and I'll take her cousin. Although why Jessica wants a sasquatch like you I'll never know. Go ring and tell her we'll be there about 10. We can take your stuff over and I can bring whathisname back. One round trip." "His name is Castiel, Dean" Sam says as he leaves the room to phone Jess and tell her the good news. Dean shook his head and hearing Sam thunder up the stairs thought "Well, this Castiel can't be as loud as Sammy. And maybe he has better taste in music," as he heard Sam's music start up again. Laughing and shaking his head he just finished his pie before deciding to head to bed.

Next morning at 8.30 Dean gets woken by the scents of cinnamon and coffee. "Wow" he thought "Someone's keen" as he realised Sam has made sure Dean will not change his mind by making Dean's favourite breakfast. Really good coffee and french toast with cinnamon and maple syrup. He grunted even as he smiled, Sam was so predictable. But sometimes Dean wished that Sam didn't know that cinnamon turned his knees to jelly and his brain to mush. He remembered the day Sam found out. Dean had decided to make french toast with cinnamon and maple syrup for Sammy to make him feel better because Dean had said he couldn't go on a camping trip with his friends. He had just opened the cinnamon when Sam clattered into the kitchen whining "But Dean EVERYONE in my class is going and I'll be the ONLY ONE WHO ISNT ALLOWED TO AND IT ISN'T FAIR I HATE YOU AND WHY WONT YOU LET ME HAVE ANY FUN." When to his surprise and amazement Dean simply said "Fine Sammy you can go." At first Sam was confused but seeing the glazed eyes and smelled the cinnamon Sam put two and two together. He soon learnt that puppy dog eyes and cinnamon got a yes no matter what question Sam asked. And cinnamon always worked no matter who the person. Dean always said Sam was too smart for his age. Dean stumbled down to the kitchen and just grunted at Sam. He knows better than to speak and just handed Dean his first cup of coffee. Dean starts to feel slightly human after the first sip and by his second cup says "Good morning sunshine." Sam puts the french toast in front of him, privately admiting to himself that Sam is better at french toast than him, not that he would ever tell Sam. "Morning Dean I know you said 10 but I'm to excited to wait and I thought since I was up early I thought I would make you breakfast after all it's the last time I'm going to get the chance to." Dean laughed and said "Slow down Sam it's fine. You know I like french toast." Sam flushed while Dean just silently thanked all that was holy that he knew his little brother would wake him up early and he was glad he went to bed early last night. Not that he would ever tell Sam. To torment his little brother a bit more, (petty revenge for the cinnamon thing, but Dean takes revenge where he can) he slowly finishes his coffee and places his cup in the sink. Sam is waiting impatiently at the door jingling the car keys "C'mon Dean lets go" Sam calls out almost jumping out of his skin with impatience. "Hold on sasquatch, didn't I tell you 10?" Dean can't help teasing Sam a bit more, big brother perogitive to tease his little brother, so sue him. "Yeah" admits Sam with a slight blush, "But I told Jess we'd get there about 9." Dean almost wished he knew about it earlier so he could of had a third coffee just to annoy Sam a little more but the slight whiff of cinnamon still hanging in the air made him feel indulgent. "Alright Sammy let's go pack your stuff in the car." Sam blushed even redder and shuffled his feet in embarressement, "Already have Dean, I did it while you were sleeping. Before I made breakfast." Dean almost laughed at his baby brother's expression before remembering the early hour. "Ah, another reason for the cinnamon," he thinks as he shakes his head before saying, "Alright sasquatch lets..." Sam was already out the door before Dean could finish his sentence and this time Dean does laugh, early hour be dammned. And he steals his keys back, no way is Sam driving his Baby. Jess is already outside waiting for them, despite the early hour, a guy standing next to her. Dean pulls up in front of them and gets out the car and hugs Jess hello, an attempt to prolong the moment before he has to meet his new housemate.

He's glad the Impala is behind him as the first sight of Castiel is enough to have his legs buckle. Blue eyes and tousled bed hair, his clothes slightly rumpled as if they had been picked up off the floor after being thrown there in the heat of passion. Dean's first thought was "Fuck, I want to see that in my bed after being in it all night," and has to clear his throat and remind himself that this was Jessicas's cousin, not a quick hook up when he noticed Sam looking at him strangely. "Work" he thinks "Work will get my mind of rumpling him futher" and says aloud "Right, lets get moving, because Sammy will kill me if I don't hurry up." Jess laughed at Sam's groan and Dean feels a flutter when he noticed Castiel's small smile and thought that maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he feared. They get done quicker than Dean expected, as Castiel doesn't seem to have much stuff and Sam had been moving his stuff a little at a time anyway. He spent more time at Jess' house studing than he did at home so it made more sense to leave his books there. Just before Dean and Castiel left Dean made Sam promise that he and Jess would come over for dinner every night so that at least Dean would know that they were eating at least one proper meal, and he and Castiel would have time to get used to each other. Jess squealed excitedly and threw her arms around Dean and promised she would drag Sam over even if he didn't want to go. "I love you Dean, can I move in with you instead?" She laughed and squealed when Dean returned the hug, twirling her around before letting her go,"Of course Jess, I was wondering when you would come to your senses and realise that I'm the better catch." Catching sight of Sam smiling at the sight of his girlfriend being spun around in the arms of his big brother, she laughs, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding" she hugged Dean again when he grabs his chest and sighs in fake heartbreak, "Oh I'm heartbroken now Jess. You are a cruel, cruel woman." Jess laughs again before turning to Castiel and hugging him too. She whispered something in his ear that made him blush and Dean feels that flutter again at the sight and wishes that he would like to be the one to cause that blush. He stamps down that line of thought quickly and gets in the car before anyone could notice he was acting like a horny teenager, and after Castiel entered the car, drove to away to sight of Sam and Jess waving goodbye in the rear view mirror.

Dean remembering that Sam had said Castiel was shy, wasn't surprised when the younger man didn't seem in the mood to talk. Hating silence, Dean switched on his favourite Led Zepplin tape and was startled when Castiel turned to him and grinned, "I love these guys." Dean swallowed hard when he heard the raspy tones, another thing that sends his stomach fluttering again. "Say something," he chastises himself, "You still have to live with the guy, no good freaking him out before he gets to knows you." Dean clears his throat and says "Yeah, their one of my favourites," he smiles at the younger man before returning his gaze to the road. "Sammy on the other hand has no taste and hates them." He gestures to the glovebox "My other favourites are in there." Castiel opens it up and removes the old shoe box that is full of tapes. As he rumages gently through the tapes, he exclaims with delight, "I love all these bands." Dean's throat dried up at the tone, "We have the same taste in music. I want him and I want him now." Thinking he had better say something before Castiel got second thoughts about moving in with a complete stranger he blurts, "Hey Cas, I've been meaning to ask..." he trails off blushing when Cas stares at him. "Oh God Cas, I'm sorry. Do you mind me calling you Cas or do you prefer being called Castiel?" It's the other man's turn to blush as he shyly replies "I don't mind you calling me Cas, Dean." Dean swallows again at the sound of his name in that voice and pulling his mind off thoughts of that voice calling his name in bed continues, "What does Castiel mean anyway? I don't mean to be rude, it's just that I've never heard it before." Dean glances at over at the blue eyed man in the passenger seat before returning his attention to the road as Cas replies "It means angel of Thursday, it was my mothers wish." He stares at Dean as if daring the other man to laugh but Dean just says "At least you were named after an angel." He grimaces "I was named after my grandmother on my mother's side. Her name was Deanna. Sam, the lucky bastard got named after my mothers father, Samuel," he glimpsed the slight wince at the word bastard and shit, maybe he doesn't like people swearing. Dean decides to ask before he puts his foot in it and upsets his new house mate before he even sets foot in the house. "Hey Cas, I'm sorry if I offendend you with the bad language." Cas offers a small smile and looks down at his hands, before taking a deep breath, "Don't worry Dean, you didn't offend me," his voice gets lower and his hands twist nervously together. "It's what my aunts husband used to call me every night while he raped me." Dean was so shocked it was all he could do to keep driving, knowing that they were almost home, even though every protective instinct was screaming at him to pull over and wrap his arms around the younger man. "Cas I'm so sorry. I'll try to not use it anymore if it brings back bad memories." Dean pulled into the driveway and having had no reply looked over to see Cas almost curled in a ball. He turned off the car and felt his fists clench as he heard a soft whisper repeat "He calls me Cas, I'm Cas, Cas is safe, he won't hurt Cas, Jess promised he was good, he can't hurt Cas , Cas is safe, he isn't going to hurt Cas, he swears but he won't hurt Cas, Jess promised me he wouldnt hurt Cas, Cas is safe."

Dean felt his heart break as he realised that Cas was repeating his nickname over and over, as if that small thing was the only thing holding him together. He reached over and carefully touched the blue eyed man on the arm. "Cas" he says softly "I will never hurt you, I will protect you, you're safe with me I promise." His voice shook and he took a deep breath before he continued, "If I ever get my hands on that bastard that hurt you I will kill him with my bare hands." Dean was surprised when with a choked sob Cas flung himself into his arms and burst in to wracking sobs. Dean closed his arms around the distressed ball of young man in his arms, thankful that they had arrived home and stopped the car. Dean hummed and rubbed circles on Castiels back until he heard the tears turn to sniffs. Dean took a minute to make sure he could speak calmly, he didn't want to upset the younger man any more than he already had, even if it was accidental and he wanted to get inside before the neighbours got curious. "Right Cas let's get you inside where it's more comfortable and you can tell me the whole story." He felt a shake of the head on his chest and smiled even though it couldn't been seen, it would be heard in his voice, "No arguments Castiel you're part of my family and I need to know why it hurts before I can fix you." He was rewarded with a little laugh and pushing the sodden heap gently off his lap continued, "Let me get out then I can carry you inside." Dean heard a soft whimper when he let go of Cas, the sound only subsiding when the smaller man felt Dean lift him out of the car. Getting to the door, Dean discovered he had made an error in judgement. He forgot that he automatically placed his keys in his pocket when he got out of Baby. And trying to get his keys out of his pocket while his arms were full of Cas was harder than he thought. Dean struggled for a few moments before he gave up and asked Castiel to get his keys out for him. He simply tightened his arms and growled, "Don't even think you're moving anywhere but my pocket to get my keys out Castiel," when he felt the smaller man half heartedly try to get down. With a small sigh of relief that he wouldn't have to stand, he really didn't think his legs would hold him up, let alone walk, Cas reached into Dean's pocket and handed him his keys. Dean opened the door and carried Cas into his new home, "Home sweet home Cas. I hope you like it." Shutting the front door with his foot behind him, Dean carried the younger man in to the living room where Cas got a glimpse of what had to be the longest, UGLIEST couch in all off creation. Dean saw the look of astonishment as blue eyes widened at the sight of it and he grinned. "Yeah, it's ugly as fuck and really huge. Sammy and I bought it, secondhand, because we need the length, coz we aren't exactly small." He laughed, "But even though it looks hideous, it's the comfiest place to nap. Many a time Sam and I have both crashed on it and not realised we fell asleep until morning. You look up the saying 'Don't judge a book by it's cover' and you'll see a picture of our hideous monstrosity of a couch." Feeling Cas relax a little, Dean walked over to the couch, sat down and swung his legs up, still holding onto Cas and simply laughed when he heard a small, surprised squeak. He pushed and pulled Cas like a ragdoll, ignoring the protests that Cas uttered, until he had the younger man's head tucked under his chin with both of Deans' arms around him. "Now" said Dean "Start at the begining, no wait" and when one of his arms lifting away caused a small whimper to escape from Cas, whispered "ssshhh its coming back." A moment later the whimper turned into a pleased hum as Cas felt an afghan being tucked around them, with the added warmth of Dean's arm encircling him again.

"Right" said Dean "Lets start with how old are you?" Cas tensed, he couldn't do this, he didn't realise he was chanting _"No, I can't, no no no" _under his breath until he heard Dean say, "Breathe Cas." He took a deep breath, still tense, but the smell of leather,oil and cinnamon, _deansafehomelove_, calmed him down enough that he could start talking. "I'm 19, wait what is todays date?" Dean had to stop and think for a moment, "It's the 23 September." Cas just nodded in acknowledgement before continuing, "Actually I will be 20 tomorrow." Dean interrupts for a moment, "I wish I had known sooner Cas. We will have to do something special then." Cas just shook his head and snapped "NO!" he lifted his head as he felt Dean stiffen in shock. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap, I don't celebrate my birthday because," his voice broke as he buried his head back into Dean's neck, "How can I celebrate the anniversary of my parents death." Dean whispered "I'm sorry Cas. I didn't know." Cas looked up again, whispered, "It's alright Dean," before he lowered his head and continued his story in a monotone. "My parents names were Anna and Luke Novak. I have been told that they loved each other very much. I have 2 uncles and 1 aunt. And I have 3 cousins. My dad was driving my mother to the hospital. She was in labour, when a block away from the hospital a drunk driver ran a red light. My dad was killed instantly and my mom lived long enough to get to the hospital and deliver me. She whispered to the nurse that I was to be called Castiel and she died. My Uncle Michael and Aunt Cassie came and got me. They had just had Jessica so we grew up together. I lived with them for a few years. Then I went and lived with my Uncle Zacariah and Aunt Pamela and my twin cousins Gabriel and Bartholomew. And then I went to live with my Aunt Ariel and her husband Alistair." Dean wondered about the fact that Cas called everyone but Alistair, Aunt and Uncle and when he felt a tear trickle down his collarbone he knew it wouldn't, _couldn't _ be for a good reason and stamping on his curiosty just kept stroking Cas' back. With another deep breath, _deansafehomelove,_ Cas continued "I lived with Uncle Micheal, Jess until I was about 7. And then uncle Mike got a job offer in another state. Since I wasn't his child, he wasn't really keen on taking me with them so Uncle Zach said he and Aunt Pam would be willing to take me into their home. Gabe and Bart are about 5 years older than me. They resented me moving in with them and they showed it by pinching, slapping, anything that wouldnt leave a visible mark or bring attention to them. Uncle Zach and Aunt Pam either didn't know or didn't care what the twins did to me so, only that I wasn't allowed to do anything to them so I rebelled against them the only way I could. By acting up in school and disobeying at home and by the time I was 14 I was sent to live with Aunt Ariel and," Cas broke off before taking another deep, _deansafehomelove, _breath. He shuddered and resumed almost inaudibly "Alistair."

Dean tightened his arms around Cas and just kept humming softly until Cas managed to stop shaking was able to continue. "I was 14 and had already been arrested several times. Uncle Zach refused to have anything to do with me, he had warned me that he wouldn't do anything if I was arrested again so Alistair bailed me out the last time. He said that since I was incorrigible and Uncle Zach and Aunt Pam didn't want me either, I would come live with him and Aunt Ariel. I told him I would rather go to juvie. Because for as long as I can remember Alistair frightened me. He had never done anything to me but I just didn't like him. We got back to their house and they showed me my room. They had a huge house, 6 bedrooms and even though they didn't have kids and plenty of rooms, they put me in the attic. Like I was something to be ashamed of. Hidden away. Not family. Even though I never felt loved by anyone but Jessica, I had always felt like a member of the family. An unwanted part of the family, a reminder of my parents death but family. I lay down on my bed, it was an old army cot, and it had two scratchy blankets made out of wool. I buried my head in the pillow and burst in to tears. I didn't know it then but that wouldn't be the first time I cried in that room. I can't remember anything more so I think I fell asleep, because the next sound I heard was footsteps. It was dark outside, and the only light was the candle in Alistairs hands. I didn't know what he wanted, I knew it couldn't ge anything good so I tried to get away from him but he just put the candle down out of reach and grabbed me. Tears had now soaked Dean's shirt but still he listened, silently offering his support by not letting go and rubbing circles into the young man's back. Cas hitched in a breath, "Alistair pulled me into the middle of the bed. He threw me down, face first, and said, 'right you bastard, know you can pay me back for the bail money. I struggled but he was taller and stronger and I was on 14. I screamed but he just laughed saying, "Thats right bastard, show me how much you like it." Dean's heart broke as Cas stopped talking. Dean felt a tear slide down his face but he still didn't say anything, knowing that if he did the story would stop. Cas' voice softly started again "The next morning I was ordered down stairs for breakfast. I could barely walk, as he had hurt me so bad, but I was expected to carry on like normal. I had to sit on a hard bottom chair but as I was so sore couldn't sit still. One time as I moved, my Aunt walked behind me with a hot pot of coffee in her hands. She bumped into me or I bumped into her. Either way the coffee pot dropped on the floor. It broke and barely missed splashing her. Alisitair looked at her screaming at me and said, "Right bastard, come with me." He grabbed my hands and took me to the attic. He took of his belt and laid in to me with it. He was careful not to hit my face, arms or legs. And he didn't use the buckle, but he lashed me until I was bleeding. That was my first day. Little did I know that it would be the same every day and night for the next 4 years."

He stopped again and took another deep breath, calming at the scent of _deansafehomelove,_ "Aunt Ariel knew what was happening to me. She turned a blind eye to it. I could do nothing right. Every thing I did was wrong. And it always meant a beating. If I looked at either of them I was smacked in the face. If I was half a second late to do answer them, it was a slap. They always had an excuse. The nights were the worst. Every night I could hear the footsteps coming up to the attic. Nothing I could say or do made any difference. Every night I swore to myself that I wouldn't scream. Wouldn't give him the satisfaction. But Alistair could read my mind, would never finish with me until I screamed. My first 24 September with them is etched in my brain. It started with breakfast, a broken plate and a beating. Then I didn't do the dishes fast enough at lunch. Another beating. Then dinner. I was made to go to my room and not have anything to eat at all, but my stomach was in knots thinking about the night that I wasn't able to eat all day anyway. Aistair came up the stairs early that night, reeking of booze, with a coil of rope and I knew it would be bad. Just knew it would worse than anything he had done before. I didn't just how much worse it would be. He tied me face down on my bed, spreadeagle and began. He used anything and everything he could think of. All the while saying 'why should you be so lucky bastard, that you lived and he died.' When I had lost my voice from screaming he finally had enough. He untied me and left me in a pool of blood. It took me a month to recover, but the nightly abuse continued. Even though I wasn't healed Alistair continued to rape me. I eventually grew numb but never used to it. And I still screamed every night for him. I started to dread the 23 September knowing what the next day would bring. Every 24 September was the same. The drinking. The beatings. The rapes with objects. The words. It wasnt until my 17th that Alistair finally told what he meant. HE WAS IN LOVE WITH MY FATHER. And when my father married my mother Alistair was mad with jealousy. And when I came and to live with them it was his chance at revenge. He couldnt take it out on my father, but I was the next best thing. The next year got even worse. It was as if Alistair couldn't handle my knowing his dirty little secret. He took it out on me. What had earned me a slap at first, now earned a belting. And the daily beatings grew longer. The rapes involved the ropes every night. And I was often left tied up all day. I was starved more than fed, and I lost track of days. I didn't go to school and hadn't been allowed to for a few years. And since none of my other family stayed in touch, no one knew what was happening to me. My 18 birthday was the worst. Alistair had tied me to the bed the night before. I hadn't eaten for 2 days. I heard footsteps on the stairs and knew my torturer was coming. He had taken the day off work and spent the whole of it drinking and inventing new ways to make me scream."

"I lost track of the hours and must of passed out, because the next thing remember, I was in a hospital bed hooked up to machines. I tried not to move because knew it would be bad. But I must have made a sound, because a figure jumped out of the chair and came to look at me. I flinched back, but it was Jessica. She was crying and went to hug me, but stopped when I flinched again. She cried and said "I'm sorry, Castiel, I'm so sorry." I had a broken arm, 3 broken ribs, my cheekbone had been shattered and my leg had been broken in 2 places. I had 2 black eyes and a split lip and had been tore so badly that they had to surgically repair me. I had so many cuts over me that I looked like a patchwork quilt. And I was so covered in bruises that they medical staff didn't know what colour my skin was. I had been so bleeding so much that if I had been found 10 minutes later, I would have died. I don't know how long it took to heal, but Jess stayed with me in the hospital the whole time. And eventually I was strong enough to leave. Jess brought me to her apartment and filled in the blanks for me. She told me that she had been accepted to university and had just moved back. She had rang Aunt Ariel a few times to talk to me but kept getting told I was out. She got suspicious and just showed up at the house that day wanting to take me out to celebrate, not knowing that I dont like to celebrate my birthday. She got Uncle Michael to drive her over because, as she told me, she too didn't like Alistair either. She didn't tell Uncle Micheal that it was because it was my birthday. She wanted that to be my surprise. Instead she told him it was to celebrate her getting into college. They pulled up to the house, and when they got out of the car she said they were shocked to hear screaming coming from inside. Jess called 911 and her dad broke down the front door. They followed my screams to the attic to find Alistair raping me. A bloody baseball bat and about a dozen beer bottles, some broken and some with bloody fingerprints and one or two that were fully covered in blood on the floor next to him. Alistair didn't hear them as he was to busy yelling at me, 'WHY DID HE DIE YOU BASTARD, WHY COULDN'T HE LOVE ME." Uncle Micheal took one look then just strode in. He grabbed Alistair by the scruff of the neck and threw him across the room. He sent Jess to get a clean blanket and covered me with it. He knew he couldn't untie me or even move me until the paramedics got there, but he could give me a little dignity." Cas stopped, sniffed for a minute and continued, "I haven't spoken to anyone but Jess since that day. She got the apartment and made me move in with her and that's my story." Cas burst into uncontrollable crying knowing that Dean would throw him out, his own family didn't want him why would someone who only met him for the first day want him. Cas waited for Dean to push him away in disgust when he couldn't stop crying, but when the warm arms stayed, Cas eventually relaxed and the crying turned to snuffles and then a few sniffs. Cas could hear Dean humming again and when Cas pressed his head closer to Dean's chest he recognised the song. It was Hey Jude. It was his last coherent thought before exhaustion claimed him and he fell asleep.

Cas awoke to find himself alone on the hideous couch, still wrapped in the afghan. He took a moment to breathe in the scent of Dean before he thought that he had ruined everything, and now he would have to leave. He had just sat up and was about to get up to sneak out when he saw a movement out of the corner of his eye. He stifled a scream when he realised it was just a curtain but the noise was enought to bring Dean in from the next door kitchen. Cas looked at the floor and said softly "I understand if you want me to leave," and was shocked when he found himself wrapped in a pair of familar arms blanket and all. Dean growled "You're not going anywhere except," Dean stood up eliciting a surprised squeak from Cas when he was lifted effortlessly, blanket and all. "Maybe a shower." Dean carried his new housemate up the stairs into the bathroom and put Cas down on the floor. "Towels are in here Cas, and there is plenty of hot water take as long as you like. I'll grab you some of my old gear because your things are still in my car," and turned to leave "Oh and Cas" Dean stopped just at the door, "If I find out you left I will hunt you down and drag your arse back here. All right?" Dean left, but not before he noticed the surprised look on Castiels face at that and closing the door behind him, waited until he heard the shower start before going to grab an old pair of jeans that and an even older T-shirt. Leaving the clothes outside the door and hoping Cas wouldn't bolt he trotted down the stairs to the kitchen thinking about what he would start feeding his Cas. Dean pulled himself up short at that. HIS CAS, where had that come from. He just shrugged and rationilized it. He just felt sorry for the younger man and he was the same age as Sammy. Dean just thought of him like a brother, yeah, a brother. He left it at that and got back to the task of finding food that he knew his Cas could keep down. Especially after all that emotion his stomach would be in knots and, WAIT he knew exactly what would help. The food that Ellen gave HIM when he broke down and admitted he couldnt do it all for Sammy. He started preparations and grinned in satisfaction when he heard a soft footfall on the stairs called softly "In here Cas." He turned from the stove to see Cas, dark hair still wet that partially covered his blue eyes, Deans old grey tshirt on a torso that while slender still had definite muscle tone, a pair of Deans old jeans held up with one hand because they were too big. Dean sucked in a breath, "Brother be dammed" he thought "I want that in my bed now. Cas blushed at the heat he could see in Dean's eye. "He is like my brother, he has been hurt, he is not into me." Dean repeated to himself as he turned back to the stove and ordered Cas to sit down. "He has been through hell, he doesn't need you jumping his bones because you think he's hot." Dean ladled something into a bowl and set it front of Cas with a flourish. "Bon appetit." Cas takes a mouthful and moans "This is delicious Dean." Dean flushes from the praise and his gaze heats up at the sound, wanting to hear it again and, fuck his life Cas blushed again.

Feeling a little thrill that just a sound could get under Deans skin he turned his attention back to his bowl. "What type of soup is this Dean? I've never tasted anything so good." It was Deans turn to blush and he looked away shyly as he answered "My homemade chicken soup. Ellen taught me to cook it after my mom died. She used to make it for me when I was upset. She told me that mine is even better than hers." Dean laughed and when he saw Cas smile asked him something that had been bothering him since he first heard it. "Cas you don't have to answer but," he stopped, not wanting to cause any more hurt to his new friend, only continuing when Cas said softly "What Dean? You can ask me anything." He cleared his throat stunned at the trust he could hear in Cas' voice. "I was wondering why don't you like to celebrate your birthday?" Cas finished the last bit of soup and pushed the bowl away. He looked at Dean and said softly "I was 4 the first time I asked why I didn't have a birthday like other kids," his voice faltered. Dean felt awful, he didn't mean to bring up bad memories, "You don't have to tell me Cas, its ok." Cas ducked his head and shyly asked "Could we go sit on the couch please Dean? I feel safe there." Dean couldn't speak from emotion, he just got up and before Cas could move, picked him up and carried him through to the living room. He deposited Cas down and said "Sit, stay, don't move, I'll be back." Cas heard footfalls on the stairs and before he could blink Dean apppeared in the door, a different blanket in his hands. "This is off my bed," Dean explained at the look Cas gave it. "The other one's a little waterlogged" Cas blushed mortified knowing it was his fault Dean's afghan was soggy, "Oh I'm so sorry Dean." Dean just laughed at Castiel's expression, "Its fine Cas a wash will make it as good as knew. Now" he walked into the room and stood before Cas, "Where was I?" And before Cas knew it he had been picked up off the couch, and was curled up in Deans lap, wrapped in the new blanket."Ok Cas you were 4" Dean began after he lay back down in the same position as before. Cas took a deep breath delighted to find that the blanket smelled like faintly of oil, leather and cinnamon. The smell he knew was Dean's own and one that was increasingly becoming to mean _deansafehomelove _to him. He began, "I was 4 when I first asked why everyone else in my class had celebrated their birthday and got cake and presents and I didn't. I got told that nobody wanted to celebrate it because my parents died that day and it was too painful a reminder."

Dean stiffened and breathed "Oh my God Cas I'm so sorry." Cas just shrugged and said "Its fine Dean. I asked again the next year and the next and when I was 8 I finally got told that nobody wanted me around at all. I was a constant reminder that the favourite brother was gone. And I was still here. I soon stopped asking and tried to make myself forget the days so I wouldn't feel the hurt as much." Dean's arms just tightened around the younger man, "Cas I want to change that for you. Will you let me do something special for you tomorrow night? Please?" It was the naked need Cas heard in Deans voice at the please that turned the "No way in hell," into a soft barely heard "Yes Dean, I would like that very much." Dean sighed in pleasure at that and said "You wont be sorry Cas." A few minutes later Cas felt Dean relax and his breathing deepen. Cas pushed himself up slightly to see that Dean had fallen alseep. He tried to move but Dean just moaned slightly and tightened his arms. Cas decided to just give in and tucking the blanket in more securely and settled down to sleep. Dean woke the next morning to a find himself lying on his hideous couch. It wasn't the first time it had happened, but something was different. What was that unfamiliar weight on his chest? He cracked open an eye and the sight of a tousled head of hair, brought the events of last night flooding back. Castiel was lying on top of him and Dean was mortified to realise he was hard, and it wasn't just his ususal morning wood. If he didn't move soon he would scare Cas away by doing something inappropriate. He shifted slightly and when Cas whimpered, whispered "Its ok Feathers I'm here. I'm not leaving you. Just need to leave you for a few minutes." He slid out from under him and watched until Cas settled back into sleep. Satisfied he would not stir for a little while, Dean headed toward the bathroom for the quickest shower on record. He thundered down the stairs while pulling on his tshirt before he remembered he left Cas asleep on the monstrosity. He took the last few stairs a little quieter and peeked in to see a mound of blanket with only a shock of hair to say it was human. Dean entered the kitchen to start breakfast and decided on waffles to start Cas' birthday celebration off right. He also started his coffee, knowing that he was a bear with a sore head before his first cup, not wanting to scare Cas on his first day. He didn't realise he was in a good mood at the mere thought of Cas. And before he had coffee. Halfway through his second cup he heard Cas stir. "Morning sunshine," he called out fron the kitchen, "Breakfast is almost done, unless you want to shower first." Dean heard a shuffle of feet and a few minutes later Cas stood in the door looking adorably rumpled with Dean's jeans almost falling off his slim hips and Dean's blanket around his shoulders. Dean turned toward the door and froze with his cup halfway to his mouth by the sight. He was shocked by the stab of desire almost took his breath away and he barely resisited the urge to throw his cup against the wall and rumple Cas even more. Damn the consequences and not scaring the younger man off. Thank God Cas didn't seem to notice Dean's dilema as he shuffled forward reaching for the coffee in a caffine deprived daze. Laughing because he knew how Cas felt, suspecting he often looked the same way, Dean got it together long enough to pour Cas a cup and hand it to him, only to lose it again when Cas moaned in delight at the first sip.

Dean's mind went blank, his only coherent thought being how much he would love to be the one making Cas moan like that. "Good morning Dean is that waffles I smell?" a voice made even huskier from sleep broke into Dean's fantasy. "Shit!" Dean swore as he remembered where he was and who was here with him. "Sit Cas, sit, oh and happy birthday." He set a plate of waffles in front of Cas and getting a third cup of coffee for himself, refilled Cas's for a second time before sitting down to his own heaping plate of waffles. Shoveling in a mouthful of waffles he started eating before realising Cas hadn't moved. "Cas" Dean said "Did I say or do something wrong?" He looked up and saw that Cas had turned away, he jumped up from his seat and wandered over to Cas and turned him around his heart breaking when he remembered what Cas told him last night. "Oh fuck Cas I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I forgot," he heard himself babble when he saw the tears shimmering on Cas' lashes. He grabbed Cas in a hug "Oh fuck Cas, I really did forget, forgive me please, I'm used to saying it to Sammy. I'm sorry, I'm also fucking idiot who can't seem to stop talking, even when I know I shoud. Sorry." He felt Cas shudder, "Fuck Cas, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it" he babbled even more, not knowing if Cas was upset with him. Dean heard a snort and pushing Cas back a little blushed and said accusingly "You're laughing at me, arent you?" Cas just nodded and laughed out loud at the look on Dean's face. "No I'm sorry Dean I didn't mean to laugh. Its just that I was so stunned that you remembered it was my birth" his voice broke. Cas took a deep breath and continued, "My birthday that it took me by surprise. No one ever cared enough to wish me a happy one before. And then you started babbling." He laughed again, "It was cute." Dean blushed and hugged Castiel again, his voice gone and a flutter in his heart at the word cute, "Well" he finally managed to get his voice working again, "Get used to it. The caring not the babbling. And sit before the waffles get cold. And I'm not cute," Dean grumbled as Cas just laughed at his tone before he sat and started eating. After a few minutes of silent eating Cas jumped a little and looked up from his breakfast when Dean broke the silence to ask "By the way Cas, whats your favourite food?" Cas was so surprised that he blurted out "Cheeseburgers with bacon, Why do you ask?" Deans jaw dropped and ignoring the question just sputtered, "No way that's my favourite too." And he blushed and ignored any questions from Cas, changing the subject everytime Cas asked until he stopped asking and breakfast was complete.

Dean chased Cas away to have a shower with a "No Castiel, it's your birthday, you aren't doing a thing today," when he tried to help and was just washing up when behind him he heard a shy "Dean?" He continued to wash up, too used to Sam talking no matter what Dean was doing, didn't answer for a minute. When Cas didn't continue speaking Dean still didn't stop just threw a "Yeah Cas? What is it?" over his shoulder, in a hint to keep talking. Still hearing only silence, he turned around to see Cas with a light blush on his face and stopped the dishes to sit back down. "Yeah Cas" he said a little softer "What is it? You can tell or ask me anything. Especially after last night." Cas blushed redder, "Its about last night actually. Why did you hum Hey Jude to me when I was..." he trailed off. Dean just looked at him and said softly "That was the song my mom used to sing to me when I was upset or scared and it just seemed to me that it might help you." Cas just looked wide eyed at that and said "Dean I'm sorry if it brings up sad memories." Dean just shook his head and said "Nah Cas, I'm good." He got up and went back to the dishes. "Dean?" he heard again from behind him. Remembering that it wasn't Sam annoying him and Cas liked Dean to answer him simply hummed in acknowledgement. Thankfully Cas understood the wordless hint and continued, "You don"t have to but would you mind telling me what happened to your mom?" Dean swallowed a lump in his throat before softly answering, "Yeah Cas. I'll tell you. But first I'll make you a deal. We'll get you unpacked and moved in and then we'll go sit on the montrosity and I'll tell you. Its only fair." He turned back to face Cas after finishing the dishes, making a shooing motion with his hands "You go have a shower while I grab a box of your clothes to start with" he laughed at the expression on Castiel's face. "My jeans are way to big for you and you need both hands because I'm not moving all of your stuff by myself, even if it is your birthday," Dean laughed again. "Shoo," he repeated with a gentle push and Cas quickly scampered up the stairs, his own laughter trailing behind him as Dean headed to the car to get Cas something to wear. Dean regretted not letting Cas grab a box of clothes first because when he came up and heard the shower running his brain immediately went to the thought of Cas, a wet naked Cas in the shower, Cas's hands running over his body, slipping down. "Dude" he mentally slapped himself "Control Cas is like your brother." He dropped the box just in front of the bathroom door where Cas couldn't help but fall over it and went back down to the car for some more boxes. Hopefully by the time Cas came back down he would have his thoughts and his body under control.

He had just grabbed the last box out of the car and walked into the kitchen to see Cas, flushed from the shower, arrive at the same time. "Oh Dean, I was just coming to help." Cas looked a little flustered at the thought that Dean had done all the work. "Hey Cas," Dean laughed at the blush that deepened on the younger man's face at the sound, "We still have to haul it upstairs to your room. And I for one do not plan to traipse up and down those stairs any more than I have to." He picked up a couple boxes and placed them in Cas' arms. He picked up another couple and said "Follow me Cas and I'll show you're going to be living for the forseeable future. Since we didn't have a chance to yesterday." He laughed as Cas blushed again as he remembered why and not allowing Cas to apolgise, "Not your fault Cas," Dean just headed up the stairs to Cas's new room. It only took a few trips and when the last box was hauled up Dean slapped his head in remberence, "Sorry Cas I know I'd said I'd tell you about mom but I just remembered, I have a few errands to run. I promise that after dinner we can relax and I'll give you my life story. I've got 24 years to get through so it may take a while." Cas laughed at the apologetic expression on Dean's face, "Thats fine Dean. I'll unpack if thats ok. I dont know about you but I know I feel more settled when my stuff is away properly." Dean grabbed Cas in a one armed hug, ignoring the surprised squeak that Cas let out at the gesture exclaimed "You're awesome Cas! Thanks, I will tell all later. I promise." Before his wayward body could react, Dean released Cas and as he ran noisily down the stairs called out, "Theres bread and meat in the kichen. Feel free to help yourself to any food you like." The door slammed behind Dean and several minutes later Cas heard the purr of the Impala as Dean left. Finally Cas could start breathing again. His breath had stopped the second Dean had grabbed him. Then when Dean said he was awesome Cas' mind went blank. "DEAN THINKS I'M AWESOME," Cas hugged that thought and started unpacking his stuff. A couple hours later he just finished the last box and was heading down stairs to make himself a sandwich when he heard the rumble of the Impala turn the corner of the street. He decided that he would surprise Dean with lunch. He thought it would be a nice gesture to show how grateful he was for Dean's support last night, "Even if its just a pb and j sandwich." He hunted through the cupboards to find the plates when he stopped short with what he found. Home made mustard pickles, Cas could feel his mouth start to water. "If there is some beef in here, I'll be the happiest man alive," he opened the fridge to see a plate of pre sliced roast beef and a quick glance round a bread box with half a loaf of homemade bread in it. "I have died and gone to heaven," Cas couldn't help but moan in delight.

Dean entered the kitchen with hands full of bags and stopped short at the sight of Castiel slicing bread, one sandwich already plated. His stomach growled loudly, reminding him he had skipped lunch, again, and he was starving. Cas jumped a little and spun around at the sound."Sorry Cas," Dean apologized, "It's just that I forgot I missed lunch and the sight of that awesome sandwich reminded me," Dean blushed as his stomach growled again in displeasure that there was food in reach and it wasn't being eaten. "Thats fine Dean" Cas laughed at the sound, "I made that one for you. Sit and eat." It was his turn to blush when Dean, dropped the bags and grabbed him in a hug again, "Oh my God Cas thank you. Again you are awesome," Dean didn't even wait to sit to eat. He picked up the sandwich and took a huge bite. "This is the best sandwich ever, Cas" he mumbled around the mouthful. Cas blushed again and finished making is own sandwich. He sat down at the table reminding Dean to sit down and took his own bite. "Dean," Cas breathed, "You are right! This sandwich IS good." He could have died with embarrassment when he realized what he said and how it could be taken the wrong way. "I mean," he stammered, "The bread and the pickles and the meat," he broke off in dismay as Dean started choking. "DEAN!" Cas panicked half lifting off the seat. Dean just waved him back, "Cas wait til I'm finished eating to say things like that," he finally managed to get out. Cas wanted to sink into the ground, "I'm sorry Dean. I just meant did you make the bread and pickles yourself? I've never tasted anything as good." Dean nodded shyly, "My mom started to teach me to cook before she died and I just kept it up as my way to remember her. Ellen showed me some stuff as well and I like to experiment." Cas opened his mouth to apologize but Dean cut him off, "No Cas, it's fine honest. And when I said it was the best sandwich, I wasn't trying to make fun of you. It always IS better when someone makes me something, even a simple sandwich using stuff I cooked," he laughed, "I remember my mom used to say that it was like someone saying they loved you, that they cared enough to take the time to make you something. Even something simple like a PB&J on store bought bread," he stopped and shrugged. " I like cooking and eating so I don't mind the effort. It relaxes me. Sam only makes me breakfast when he wants something." He laughed, trying not to let the hurt show, "So the fact you made me a sandwich, well thanks Cas I appreciate the thought."

Cas blushed, upset for Dean and not knowing what to say to the hurt he could hear in Dean's voice, simply nodded and returned his attention to his own sandwich. Dean got up, opened the fridge and grabbed a beer to wash down the last bite. "I better get these things away and get started on your birthday dinner," a grateful tone in his voice because Cas had sat silently not exepecting Dean to say anything. Cas looked up and stuttered "Wh... what?" Dean laughed at the expression of surprise in the blue eyes staring at him, "I'm cooking you a birthday dinner Castiel and I've invited Sam and Jess as well. It's a Winchester family tradition that you get your favourite food for dinner, and since you are Jess's cousin and Jess is my sister you are family now and you get my world famous bacon cheeseburgers." Cas swallowed, visibly moved. Feeling like he had to say something he blurted out "I hope you dont mind but I borrowed your soap." Dean had to hurriedly turn away because the thought that Cas might smell of apple/cinnamon sent an electric jolt straight to his groin. Again. "Yeah, its fine Cas, if Sam had given me more warning that you were moving in I could have made sure I had something that smells less girly for you." He laughed, "Sam bought it for me as a joke one birthday, but I like the smell, so now I just keep buying it." Cas replied shyly "I like the smell too and if you don't mind I would like to keep using it." Deans mouth went dry and he hurriedly finished his beer. "Feel free to use it Cas." He got up and to take his mind of Cas in the shower smelling like Dean's soap said gruffly, "Well, I'd better clean up and get started cooking." Cas smiled at that and to cover the fact that he was overjoyed that he could still smell like Dean a little replied, "Dean if you don't mind, I'll clean up while you cook, if I wont get in your way." Dean laughed, "If I can cook dinner with sasquatch Sammy in here annoying me, hanging over my shoulder begging for food, a little thing like you helping me wont be in the way." Cas flushed and when he finished the dishes he shyly asked "Dean, can I stay and watch?" Dean, lost in thought and used to having Sammy in the kitchen absently replied, "Yeah thats cool Feathers, I'd be lost without someone watching me." Cas sat down in the chair closer to the door and watched silently for a few minutes then realised just what Dean had said. "FEATHERS!" he sputtered, "DID YOU JUST CALL ME FEATHERS?" Deans hand stilled in the dough he was kneading and he turned with his mouth open. "OH SHIT CAS, I DIDN'T MEAN TO LET THAT SLIP OUT!" Dean blushed, he was mortified and wanted to sink through the floor. He had been calling Cas that in his mind and he started to laugh, "I'm really sorry," he gasped at Cas' look of indignation. "Its just next to Sam you're a featherweight. And I have had to pick up that sasquatch of the floor and carry him to the couch or bed too many times to count. Especially after he's had his heart broken or drunk," another laugh, "Sometimes both at the same time."

Dean stopped laughing, suddenly serious, "I wont call you that anymore if it offends you. I have a bad habit of using nicknames for people I love. It's just like when I call Sam Sasquatch it means he's mine. And so are you now." Dean tripped over his tounge, "Shit, I mean you're mine as in family, not mine as a possession." Cas decided to take pity on Dean, even though he thought the older man was cute when he floundered, "It's ok Dean you can call me Feathers if you want," he blushed, looking down at the floor shyly, "No one has ever cared about me enough to give me a nickname," he continued softly. Dean turned back to his dough and thought he would give as a running commentary on what he was doing to give Cas a few minutes to compose himself. "I'm making the dough for the rolls first because the dough needs to rise, then after it's risen I will shape the rolls, and while their in the oven I'll make the patties, and put them in the fridge so their ready to be cooked as soon as Sam and Jess get here. I also have my favourite cheese sliced and the bacon ready to go as well." He finished kneading and placed the dough in a warm place. "Now it just needs to rise and while we wait I want to give you your present." Dean washed the dough of his hands and went into the living room, only to come back to the kitchen when he noticed Castiel hadn't followed him. "Upsadaisy FEATHERS," Dean grinned at the stunned expression on Cas's face as he scooped the younger man up effortlessly from the chair he was sitting in to carry him into the living room. He dropped him gently onto the couch and grabbed a wrapped box from the chair where he had put it when he came in earlier. "Here, open it," as he placed it on Cas's lap. When Cas still made no move Dean looked at and his face fell as he remembered, "Oh God Cas I'm a fucking idiot, aren't I? I completely forgot, here give me that." Dean tried to take the package away, mentally slapping himself for being an idiot. A firm voice stopped him, "Thats mine I believe you said Dean. If it is not mine why did you give it to me?" Cas laughed when Dean's mouth dropped open and his hands fell away from the box. "And you are not an idiot. Its my first present ever and I want to savour the feeling. Now hush and let me enjoy it." Dean sat back with a grin and watched Cas' face as he carefully undid the tape and slowly folded the paper. Cas slowly lifted the lid of the box and seeing 3 more gift wrapped boxes, looked at Dean who laughed at his shocked expression, "Surprise!" Cas lifted out the first one and after treating it the same as the first one, finally opened it to find a dark blue tie. He threw a puzzled glance at Dean who simply explained, "Winchester family tradition. We dress up for birthday dinner and we always recieve a new tie. Open the next one."

It was a sapphire blue shirt, a gruff "Winchester family tradition," being offered before Cas could say anything. He just smiled and went to open the next box. He wasn't sure, but he could swear he thought he heard Dean mutter, "The shirt matches your eyes." Cas smiled wider and not wanting to embarress himself or Dean, simply turned his attention to his last gift. The last box was a pair of black dress pants and before Dean could say anything Cas threw his arms around him. "Thank you so much. I love them all. I dont have anything like this." Dean sat still for a minute in shock before he hugged him back enjoying the feel of Castiel in his arms. Before he could make a fool of himself or scare Cas away by being inappropriate he pushed him gently away with a gruff, "Go on take them upstairs. I gotta go get your rolls in the oven, coz the birthday boy is a real slave driver," and a smile to show he was teasing. Dean sat for a minute more to make sure Cas had gone before walking in to the kitchen. He decided that the best way to handle his reaction to the rightness of having Cas in his arms was to get the rolls on and then take a shower. He shaped the rolls and slid the tray in the oven in record time and took the stairs 2 at a time. He called out to Cas that he was just going to grab a quick shower before Sam and Jess arrived and hurried into the bathroom and shut the door. The lock had barely turned before Dean had his clothes off, shower on and he couldn't stop the moan as he thought of Cas standing here earlier, water running down his naked body. He grabbed his soap and remembering that Cas had used it last, moaned even louder as he pretended that the bar was Cas' hands. It didnt take long and as he came a long drawn out FFUUCCKK dropped from his lips. He stood for a couple minutes more, trying to remind himself that he shouldn't be thinking of Cas like that, but never more glad about the thick walls and quickly finished washing. He turned off the shower and was just reaching for a towel when a thought crossed his mind, "SON OF A BITCH, I FORGOT ITS NOT SAMMY HERE." So caught up in his reaction to the hug with Cas and so used to sharing a house with Sam, he had forgotten to grab his clothes. He and Sam had been in the habit of not grabbing clean clothes before they showered since they were young. Half the time because they simply couldn't be bothered to (Sam), or most times in Dean's case he was filthy from work and didn't want to get grease over his clean stuff, that they simply walked to their rooms in a towel. Dean tightend his towel and took a deep breath and hoped he could get to his room, without seeing Cas and/or possibly shocking Cas with the sight of a half naked Dean streaking to his room. Opening the door he just walked out and felt someone collide with him. Dean felt hands grab his arm for balance and heard "Sorry Dean I was coming to see if you could help me with my tie and..." the voice trailed off as Cas realized that he had his hands on Dean's arm. And Dean was WET AND WEARING NOTHNG BUT A TOWEL. He blushed bright red and closed his eyes so he could pretend he wasn't touching a half naked Dean. He was glad that Cas grabbed his arm because all the blood had rushed from his head and his knees weakened so much that he didn't think he could stand by himself. Dean barely heard what Cas was saying, he was trying to hide the reaction he was having at Cas touch him. He finally got control of his wayward body and it's inapropriate behaviour by reminding himself Cas was like his brother. "Its fine Feathers, I'm so used to Sam living here I didn't give it second thought and I forgot to grab my clothes. I'm sorry if I embarassed you." Cas quickly dropped his hands and backed away before he opened his eyes, only getting a quick glimpse of a tattoo on Deans chest before Dean turned and headed to his room. "Well Feathers," he said trying to lighten the mood, and Cas still seemed tounge tied, "I better go get dressed before our guests get here. I really am sorry." He continued up the hall to his room and stopped just inside his door, his mind clearing and helpfully reminding him what Cas had asked him, "Oh by the way Feathers, if you need help with your tie I'm happy to help. It's the least I can do for someone who is like my brother." He walked in to his room, and shut door cutting off Cas's view of a gorgeous back tapering into a tight arse covered in towel. Cas took another deep breath and turned back into his room with the stray thought that wished he was that towel. Closing his own door, he made a promise to himself that sooner rather than later Dean Winchester would no longer think of Castiel FEATHERS Novak as being like a brother. Cas smiled to himself as he thought back to the moment he first realised that one way or another Dean Winchester would be his.

It was about 6 months ago, he was sitting at the table studying when he glanced out of the window and saw a tall man leaning on a huge black car. He had wondered who it was and how he could meet it when he noticed Sam get in the car. He felt a small flutter of excitement as realized that this must be THE Dean that Sam never shut up about. Cas was shy with people and Jess had never pressured him into meeting anyone and if it was Sam's Dean it would make it easier for Cas to meet him. He could handle his classes, just, because he didn't need to speak and when Jess started dating Sam, she made that Cas was ready before she brought him up to her apartment to meet him. Jess had taken one look at his face and knowing just who Cas had seen, smiled, "We have to tell Sam." Cas blushed but didn't deny his attraction from his cousin, "Maybe Sam won't like that I'm a guy who wants to sleep with his brother. And maybe is brother isn't gay either." Jess just hugged him at the sadness in his voice, silently offering her support. Cas hugged back "Well, I guess if I don't ask I won't know and hopefully the universe will smile on me." Jess laughed at him and agreed, secretly hoping that Dean would be interested in Cas, because her cousin had been through hell and deserved something good to happen to him. The next day when Sam came over, Jess asked him if Dean happened to date men. Sam just laughed, "You're kidding right you haven't heard the rumours that Dean sleeps with anything with a heartbeat?" and seeing the looks surprise realised that they hadn't. He managed to control himself, "Dean's pansexual if he's attracted to the person it doesnt matter about the outside packaging. And despite what everyone thinks he doesn't just have sex with whoever asks. He's been hurt in the past and thinks he doesn't deserve love." He turned serious and said "Actually I would love it if Dean could find someone. He sacrificed everything for me and I want him to be happy. He needs someone to look after. And when I move out hes going to be lost. My mom left me a letter explaining that even though she was told she shouldnt have any more kids after Dean she wanted another one because she knew that Dean needed someone to care for. I wasn't to think I wasn't wanted for myself, or for Dean, she wanted another child to complete her life and even knowing the risks, she chose to have me." Sam wiped away a tear and smiled sadly, "Dean doesn't think I know that he gave up everything for me, but I know if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be the person I am now. I need to know he is happy and I don't think I could start my life with Jess knowing he had no one." There was silence for a few minutes when Sam finished, Jess and Cas not knowing what to say. Sam clapped his hands, startling the other pair, "Right Cas, enough sadness, how are we going to get you and my stubborn big brother together." Cas blushed, as Sam teased him, "You aren't having second thoughts are you? I would love you and my big brother to get together if that's what's bothering you." Sam got up to leave as he heard the Impala outside. "And its fine if you are having second thoughts, but before you decide you don't want to take a chance, he's standing outside so you can see what you're giving up." Sam laughed all the way down the stairs as Cas scrambled to the window to get a glimpse of Dean. The next day Sam laughed when Cas blushed and stammered "If you don't mind that I'm a guy I am interested in your brother." Sam held his arms out to Cas, "I already have a plan," he hugged Cas when the smaller man walked into his arms "Welcome to the family Cas," and letting Cas go he told them what he had come up with. "I'll wait until Friday night then, acting as if I had only just remembered, I'll ask Dean if Cas could move in with him so I could move in with Jess. I'll make some excuse you that don't want to be in the way of us being a couple. I'll get Bobby to make sure Dean has a bad day, Dean hates talking to people so I'll ask if Bobby can make him serve a couple. I'll even call in at lunch time and tell him I saw he was busy so I didn't want to disturb him. After all that he won't really be thinking clearly and he will have less chance to come up with excuses." Cas frowned until Sam explained, "Its okay Cas, Dean won't mind. Trust me. And if Dean has time to think about it, he will find a reason to say no. Even if it is a bad reason that makes no sense. Besides" he laughed, "I'll bribe him in the morning with french toast and cinammon." Jess and Cas just stared at Sam in confusion, and he couldn't continue for 5 minutes because he was laughing so hard. He finally manged to get himself under control, "I can get him to do anything if I use cinnamon." Sam smirked, "Dean has a severe fetish for cinnamon, even a mere whiff sends him loopy." Cas gave him a disapproving glare, until Sam squirmed and explained, "I never abused it. I would never hurt him like that. Although, once I convince him to get a tattoo." He laughed again, "I felt so guilty about it that I got one as well. I made him think it was his idea though. I couldn't let him know I felt guilty. He would never let me live it down. He has enough ammo as it is."

Cas returned to the present and smiled. It had gone according to plan, Sam and he had swopped places and Dean seemed not to mind. In fact going by the reaction that Cas noticed, when Dean first got out of the car and saw him, Dean felt the same attraction to Cas. With a sigh Cas acknowledge that the only good thing to come out of his time with Alistair was his ability to look at people while not actually staring at them. So Cas was able to stare at Dean without coming across as creepy stalker. What wasn't planned was the complete breakdown after Dean first called him Cas. Or the fact that Cas fell asleep on a man he barely knew after telling him the sordid story of his past and crying all over him. Or the nickname. Or Dean finding out it was his birthday today. And it wasn't in the plan that Dean make him a special dinner And buy him gifts. Very thoughtful gifts. The thought of said gifts reminded him of why he need Dean's help in the first place, so he grabbed his tie and headed to Deans room, glad he had an excuse to get Deans hands on him. "Hang on Feathers, I'm coming," he heard when he knocked and stepped back as Dean opened the door. Taking a good look at the vision in front of him Dean wolf whistled loudly, "Damn Cas, you look good. I have great taste, even if I say so myself. Give me a second to finish getting myself ready and then I'll do your tie." Dean smiled at Cas who blushed, thankful that Dean wasn't quite ready. Cas thought the sight of Dean in towel was stunning but he found he liked Dean dressed up was breathtaking. Dean finished knotting his own tie and without warning reached out and grabbed Cas's tie in both hands, deftly knotting the blue fabric, finishing just as the door bell rang. Dean gave Cas another scorching gaze,"Wow, looking real good Feathers," and dropping his hands called back over his shoulder, "Can you get the door Cas, I gotta get your dinner started," then half a beat before, "No don't worry I'll get it and tell Sam and Jess you'll be a minute, don't want you falling down the stairs because you were rushing," and without waiting for an answer, Dean headed for the stairs. "Wow yourself Dean" thought Cas, his mouth dry as he could still see Dean in a black shirt and pants and a green tie with gold flecks that just happened to match his eyes. Cas realised that Dean was heading down stairs and hurried out of the room just so he could watch that well toned butt taking them 2 at a time. It was his birthday and he considered it just another gift.

Dean flung open the door without stopping his rush to the kitchen calling over his shoulder, "Come in guys, Cas should be down in a minute. I gotta got start dinner" Jessica and Sam exchanged a look, unable to say anything as Cas came down the stairs almost immediately after Dean. Jess said "Happy birthday Cas, weren't expecting you down so soon," she hugged him to show him she was teasing him. Sam also hugged him."Happy birthday Cas, I see Dean went shopping." He laughed when Cas just nodded and flushed. "Dont worry dude," Sam said "He does go a bit overboard sometimes, he doesn't say what he feels with words so he shows it with gifts or food or..." He broke off as Dean came to the door of the kitchen, staring at the trio still standing in the front door, wondering why they hadn't walked in yet. "Come in guys, dinners ready. Damn sasquatch, thought I'd have to beat you back with a wooden spoon already," he laughed and turned back into the kitchen, not noticing the seriousness on their faces. Sam finished his sentence softly, "Nicknames" but Jess and Cas didn't hear him because they had already followed Dean into the kitchen, talking happily. Sam smiled to himself Dean loved Castiel, he just didn't know it. He was happy for his brother and quickly entered behind the others and sniffing the air asked with a mock pained tone, "Cas, bacon cheeseburgers? How did Dean talk you into these?" Dean retorted with a glare at his brother, "One, Cas has taste, two Winchester Family Tradition rules and three," Dean continued "My burgers are awesome!" Sam raised an eybrow in silent question, _"Winchester Family Tradition?"_ Dean took one look and understood his brothers unspoken question, years of brotherly shorthand coming into play, "You're with Jess, Cas is Jess's cousin therefore Cas is now part Winchester therefore Winchester Family Tradition rules, so bite me bitch." Sam laughed "Jerk," the automatic response. Dean grinned before he continued "As punishment Sammy you get to wash up. And I'm not going to let anyone else help." Jess laughed at Sam's grumbles and the conversation turned to other matters while they ate their burgers. Sam enjoyed them, as usual, he just loved to tease his big brother and Dean sounded a little bit defensive as he justified Cas's choice. Sam just smirked to himself, Dean gave himself away with that little speech. At least to someone who knew him as well as Sam did. His suspicions were well and truly confirmed when Dean came to the table with four plates of apple pie. "So Cas, apple pie too, huh?" Sam grinned knowingly at his brother, "Did you know its Deans favourite as well?" Cas blushed but before he could answer Dean did it for him, "Actually Sammy dessert is my choice. I forgot Cas realise that when I asked what his favourite dinner was, he didn't know he had to tell me dessert as well." Dean shrugged, "And you know me Sammy, any excuse for pie." He got up and got 4 beers from the fridge, and handed one to everyone leaving Cas until last. "I can't Dean, I'm underage," Cas could hear his voice shake and hoped no one else did. Dean whitened as he heard the unspoken fear underneath the tone and could have kicked himself. "Oh shit Feathers, I'm so sorry, I forgot," Dean apologised softly as he wrapped his arms around Cas in a silent show of support. Sam and Jess looked at each other. Sam and Jess mouthed "FEATHERS," to each other while the other pair were engrossed in each other. Dean sat down again after a few minutes of murmured apologies to Cas and whispered responses that it was fine, really. Sam being the awesome brother he was just had to ask, "Dean, did you just call Cas, FEATHERS?"

He was rewarded when both Dean and Cas blushed. Dean stammering and looking at Cas with wide eyes, "Oh my God, I'm sorry Cas, it just slipped out." Sam laughed harder at his brothers face and Dean went redder. Cas was mortified and eventually Jess took pity on them and smacked Sam's arm, "Control yourself," rolling her eyes as Sam still snickered uncontrollably. With a few last snorts Sam finally got himself under control, "Welcome to the family Cas. When Dean gives you a nickname you belong to him." Dean glared daggers at him, "Sam I don't own people, I just..." he waved a hand in the air in a vague gesture meant to convey without words his non ownership of people which made Sam laugh again. To make up for laughing Sam turned to Cas, "You should ask Jess what hers is. Dean gets very imaginative sometimes." Cas turned to Jess with a silent question in his eyes. She just laughed and shook her head NO. Dean noticed that Jess had no intention of answering so he immediately replied, "Bunny" and it was his turn to laugh hysterically when Jess glared at him. Cas just looked confused so between giggles Dean elaborated, "Jessica Rabbit from 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit." Jessica growled at Dean,"Dont you dare say another word Dean Winchester." Dean smirks at her and turns to Cas, "She's gonna kill me later, but fair's fair Jess. You got to laugh at Feathers, he gets to laugh at you." Jess glared for a moment before she smiled and nodded, "Fine, go ahead and tell the story." Dean took a swig of beer before leaning back in his chair. "Wait" said Jess "I'll do the dishes so I can hide my blushes." She got up and squeezed Cas on his sholder when he looked at her in concern, "It's fine sweetie, really, I don't mind, it's just embaressing." Cas smiled at her in thanks before he looked expectantly at Dean. "It was on Halloween. I had just pulled up at the campus to pick up Sasquatch when I see this flash of red out of the corner of my eye. I turn around and see, straight out of Roger Rabbit, none other than his very sexy wife Jessica."

Dean laughed at the memory, "I took one look and couldn't help myself. I USED to have such a crush on Jesssica Rabbit that I just let out a very loud vavavavoom and then followed that up with what I thought was a very tasteful wolf whistle, hoping that she might be flattered and approach me but I didn't hold out much hope. To my amazement she sashays up to me, sorry Jess, in that get up you could do nothing but wiggle, and I will admit by this point my jaw was on the ground. Before I could say anything she hauls back and wallops me across the FACE. I swear Bunny, I can still feel it today. Just then Sammy comes galloping up like the moose that he is, and says 'Jess' while looking at her and in the next breath turns to me and asks me 'what the hell did you do to my girlfriend, Dean?" Laughing in memory Dean looks over at Jess "Oh and thanks Bunny, you spoiled my lifelong dream of me and Jessica Rabbit forever." Cas tried but lost the battle, he glanced at Jess and snickered at her. Jess glared at him before she turned to Sam and growled at him, "One sound Sam Winchester and its MY couch for a week." Cas watched Sam manfuly trying to swallow his laughter as Dean continued his story, "I just said 'hey Sammy I didn't do anything, other than compliment her on her nice costume, when she up and belts me. I'm an innocent bystander in this.'" Sam lost the battle at "innocent bystander" and when Jess glared at him just laughed harder. Dean looked at Jess and shrugged "Hey, he's your boyfriend and he was meant to do the dishes, remember?" and turned back to Cas to continue, "Bunny meantime is standing there mouth open before saying to Sammy, 'What, you know this pervert?' Sam grabbed her and said 'This pervert is my brother Dean.' The look on your face Jess, when you realized you just smacked your boyfriends brother in the face the first time you meet him AND called him a pervert was priceless." Dean laughed as Jess observed, "Must have looked exactly like yours, when you realized you had ogled your brothers girlfriend." Dean sputtered and looked at Cas for back up, and smiled at him when Cas just shook his head in mock disgust before laughing, "I did NOT ogle. I am a hot blooded man who showed his apprection in the time honoured tradition. But yeah I did sort of wish Sam had arrived 5 minutes earlier." The dishes done Jess came over and hugged Dean from behind. "Well guys, sorry to eat and run but I have an early class and SAM has to make up his bed on my nonhideous but terribly uncomfy couch. You, Dean Winchester have embarressed me more than enough for one night " as she continued round the table to grab Cas in a bear hug. She whispered "He loves you Cas, even if he doesn't know it yet," and letting go, she smiled at him. "Come on Sam the couch awaits." Sam got up, and even though he grumbled about it being Dean's fault still hugged his big brother. Dean growled "Dude, no chick flick moments" but returned the hug and smiled at the contact. To his surprise Sam lifted Cas out of his chair and hugged him too. He whispered "Go get him tiger," in his ear. "And remember what said about cinnamon," and with one more squeeze let Cas go. He sat back down in his chair stunned at the words as Dean walked Sam and Jess out and he could faintly hear Sam beg Jess to forgive him and please not make him sleep on the her really tiny uncomfortable couch. Dean laughed as he locked the door on their bickering and entered the living room only to stop with surprise when he didn't see Cas waiting for him on the couch. "This is getting to be a bad habit Cas" Dean whispered in Cas's ear, making him jump as he found himself being picked up yet again. "I'm beginning to think you are getting lazy" Cas struggled a little but Dean just tightened his grip and said "Relax Feathers, I'm teasing you. I don't mlnd carrying you." He took the last few steps to the couch and sat down. "Now," he said as he settled Cas next to him "I seem to remember I made you a promise to tell you a story." He loosened his tie and undid the the first button on his shirt "Get comfortable this may take a while," he took a deep breath and began.

"Their names were Mary and John and they were high school sweethearts. My mother used to tell me how on the first day of school, someone bumped in into her, knocking her books to the floor. She knelt down to pick them up, ready to give the person the rough side of her tounge, she had a wicked temper, when she looked up to see the prettiest pair of brown eyes she had ever seen, and instead said 'Hi, my name is Mary Campbell and I'm going to marry you.' From that day on they were inseparable and my dad used to tease her all the time about how she proposed to him. She always got him back by reminding about the fact it was his pretty eyes that caught her attention. Mom was planning on being a lawyer and my dad wanted to be an engineer, and even though they hoped for scholarships, they both got part time jobs, mom with a local soliciter and my dad worked side by side with his best friend Bobby, at Bobby's dads Auto Shop to earn the money to put themselves through uni if they had too. My mom used to joke how she had her life all planned out. She and dad would get married straight after graduating university, get good jobs, and then 2-3 years later, would have the first of 3 kids, 2 boys and then a girl, she even had names picked out. But senior year she discovered she was pregnant. They married the day after their high school graduation and 6 months later I was born. Not once did she blame for ruining her life. She always called me her angel. She was the one who taught me to cook as soon as I could stand. She let me help, giving me bits of dough when making cookies or pies. My favourite was pie, any pie, but apple remains my favourite. I still remember when she told me I was going to be a big brother. I remember being so excited and I couldn't wait to meet my new baby. The day she brought Sammy home was the best day ever." Dean stopped, "Sorry Cas I need a beer." He got up, walked into the kitchen, grabbed one out the fridge, came back and after swallowing deeply continued, "Little did I know it was also the worst day of my life. Nobdy knew that my mom had a heart problem. That was only diagnosed when she found out she was pregnant with me. Doctors had advised her to abort me, but she refused. After I was born doctors warned her not to have another child, but she had so much love left in her heart to give that she had Sammy. Her heart condition got worse, and being pregnant with Sam put a lot more strain on her heart, but that wasn't his fault and she grew weaker every day." Dean's voice broke and he finished his beer in two long swallows. "I remember the first time I was allowed to hold Sammy. I was so excited I couldn't stay still. Mom made me sit on the couch and she placed him in my arms. I remember looking down at him and he looked up at me and I swear my heart stopped. Sammy stared into my eyes and didn't blink, just stared at me and I fell. I promised him silently that I would always protect him, never let anyone hurt him, always be there for him. I was 4 so it wasn't in those exact words but I knew it, I felt it. I didn't know it then but my mom knew it then too. She told me later that she watched me as I held my little brother for the first time and was not afraid to go because she knew that no matter what we would have each other. I didn't know it then but she knew she didn't have long." Cas didn't speak, just put a hand on Deans shoulder in silent comfort. "She died when I was 14, and about week before she died she told me that the doctors had only given her 2-3 years to live. She said she only managed to stay so long with us was because Sammy and I were her reason for living and if we hadn't helped her so much she wouldn't have lasted as long as she did," Dean had to stop and Cas could see tears glimmering on his lashes. "Her last words to me were, 'You were my angel for 14 years, now I'll be your angel.' and her eyes slowly closed and they never opened again." Cas put his arms around Dean and hugged him. After a minute Deans arms came around Cas and he hugged back. After sitting there for about 5 mins Dean sat up and said "Thanks Feathers, I needed that."

He took a deep breath and continued, "You may have noticed haven't mentioned much about my dad." he said. "Well, thats a different story" he glanced at Cas. "Remember how I said my mom never blamed me for anything?" Cas nodded. "Well, my dad did. He tried to hide his resentment by working long hours and drinking. The weaker my mom got the more he drank. I was 4 the first time he told me I ruined his life." Cas breathed "I'm sorry." Dean just shrugged, "Thank God Bobby was near by. He had married Ellen the same year Sammy was born and Bobby told me he was only a phone call away. I didn't understand at first but when I got older I was thankful for it. When mom got too tired, she would ring them and either Bobby or Ellen would come pick us up to give mom a break for a few hours. Ellen knew I liked cooking knew mom was teaching me when she was strong enough and she continued moms lessons, knowing that it would comfort me. Everyone knows I don't do well with words, and Ellen teaching me to cook was her way off telling me she loved me and that she was there for me. Bobby taught me about cars. Sammy was always smarter than me and Bobby was interested in just about everything so he had books everywhere. I think Sammy learned to read before he could walk sometimes and he's always better at words than me so Bobby and Ellen would let him read or if he wanted to talk they were there for him. Dad would leave us for days at a time, and when he would eventually show he was almost always drunk. And he would always scream at me that it was my fault, that I had ruined his life. That he wished I had never been born. I'm just glad he never ever blamed Sammy for anything. He didn't do anything to deserve such hate. The first time he said that to me was the same day Sammy came home. My best day had turned into my worst day. As I got older I learned to watch for him coming home. If I knew he was in town I would ring Bobby and ask if they could take Sammy. Ellen always ageed on the condition that Bobby stay with me and mom until dad left. I never knew until later that Bobby and Ellen were worried he would get violent with me. The last time I saw dad was the day of moms funeral. He had been on a bender for 3 days and didn't know she had died. He showed up at the funeral home, stinking of stale booze and sweat and his clothes looked like he hadn't changed them for a month. He came in screaming 'You killed my wife, now I'm going to kill you,' and he headed toward me. Thank God for Bobby, he grabbed dad before he could reach me and held him back. Someone had called the cops as soon as he showed up and my last sight of him was sitting in the back seat of a police car still screaming obsenitites at me. After that we went to live with Bobby and Ellen until I was 17. I dropped out of school and Bobby gave me a job as a mechanic at his auto shop so I could start saving money to pay for Sammy to go to uni. Then I received a letter from some insurance agency saying that my dad had died in an car accident, he was drunk and wrapped his car around a pole single car accident, no one else involved or hurt and he had a life insurance policy. It was made out to me and Sammy, it was the only nice thing my father did for us. I dont know why or how he did it and how we were able to get the money when he was killed while drunk driving but I used my half to buy this house for me and Sammy to live in. Well now it's for you and me for as long as you want to live here Cas. And I put the other half away for Sam to buy a house when he graduates. He doesn't know about the money yet, I want it to be a graduation present for him. And I know it doesn't change anything and probably doesn't mean much but I wish that you had a Bobby and an Ellen in your life when you need them Cas. I don't think Sammy would be where he is now if not for them." Dean got up and stretched, "Well Cas, thats my story and unfortunately I have an early start in the morning, so if its all right with you I'm gonna turn in. I'm sorry to end your birthday celebration on such a sad note. You can watch TV or pick out a DVD if you want. The monstrosity is quite comfortable place to veg out on." Cas interrupted him, "Dean, this is my best birthday celebration ever, in fact its my first birthday celebration ever and I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me something so personal. I have classes tomorrow so I might as well go to bed too." Dean turned with a stricken look on his face, "Oh shit Cas, you should have said something earlier. I can drop you off if you would like." Cas blushed, "No I can walk Dean." Dean frowned and growled at him, "Cas you are family and if I could drop Sam off before work I will sure as hell drop you off." Cas ducked his head, "Ok Dean, thank you. I would like to get a lift with you." Dean laughed, "Now get your butt upstairs and into bed right now mister. You have a have an early start in the morning." Cas laughed at him and he brushed past Dean, intentionally invading his personal space as he headed up to his new bedroom. "Thank you again Dean, it really was a great night. Good night." Cas was on the stairs when he heard Dean reply, almost breathlessly, "Night Cas." With a smile on his face Cas slipped into bed and his thoughts turned to Dean's story and his heart broke when he remembered that Dean had said that Sam didn't deserve to be hated but never said that Dean himself didn't deserve to be hated.

The first week passed with the two men settling into a routine. Dean would drop Cas off at the campus before heading to work. Cas would walk home, Sam and Jess accompanying him, mostly, as Sam said, to mooch Dean's chocolate chip cookies, not because they wanted to keep Cas company until Dean came home. They would study or play computer games and when the growl of the Impala is heard, Cas would throw a pre-made frozen dinner in the oven so it was ready when Dean finished showering. After the 4 of them ate, Sam Jess and Cas would clean up, Dean always offering to help but the other 3 refusing, saying that Dean not only made the meal, throwing it in the oven to heat didn't count, he also worked all day. Then they all piled into the Impala and Dean drove Sam and Jess home, the other pair never stayed to long after eating, and didn't mind leaving then because they knew Dean always started early in the morning. When he and Cas got home they would sit on the couch, Dean making sure they didn't touch, and watched all of Deans favourite movies (the first was 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' because Dean still had a thing for Jessica Rabbit) before heading to bed. Friday started out the same way, but Cas laughingly told Sam that as it was Friday night he really should take his girlfriend out on a date, not babysit her cousin. Jess protested and Sam said "We dont mind really," even though Cas could hear that Sam was excited about having time with Jess that didn't involve 2 extra people. "I'm a big boy, now Sam, and I can stand be alone you know. Its only for a couple hours. Anyway it'll give me a chance to make a move on Dean." Cas laughed at the expression on Sam's face. "No, not really" he decided to stop teasing Sam and tell him the real reason he suggested Date Night to the other pair, "I just had a text from Bobby saying Dean's had a work day from hell. He mentioned a purse dog?" Cas looked puzzled as Sam started laughing, "Oh no, poor Dean, that woman is about 60, she's has had so many face lifts done that she looks like a deer in headlights, not to mention all the botox she must have had. She carries a yapping rat that she calls a dog in a purse and unfortunately she has a massive crush on Dean. She wont deal with anyone else and comes in with the lamest excuse, I heard a ticking noise when I turned the corner and put my indicicator on, my seat belt wont fasten, can you just reach over me and check, this needle seems to be stuck on E what does that mean. Poor Dean just has to smile and take it because he wont do anything that will lose Bobby a customer, especially as Dean thinks he can't repay Bobby for all he's done. She practically drools all over him, touches him whenever she can and doesn't care that her attentions are unwanted. Dean just lets her, he does move away when she touches him if he can though, but he bottles up his frustration with her though and he explodes at the first safe person. He may take it out on you, Cas so be prepared. If he gets to be too much just ring me I can handle him. And don't take anything he says personally, Dean always knows the exact words to use to cause the most hurt. And the more he loves the more hurtful the words. And he always hurts himself more than he hurts the other person when he calms down and realises what he said." Cas just smiled "I'll be all right thanks Sam, you and Jess have a good time, and don't worry about me I can handle Dean."

Just before Dean came home Cas had a shower making sure to use Dean's soap, remembering Sam saying that Dean went loopy over the scent of cinnamon. He then went to the kitchen and set the table for two. He pulled out a lasagne, and decided that on apple pie for dessert. He heard the Impala pull into the garage and went to open the door. He saw the look on Dean's face and knew that he had been right to suggest to Sam and Jess that they have Date Night. "Hello Dean, go and shower please? Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes," he watched Dean enter the house, smiling to himself when he saw Dean stop in the doorway of the kitchen, face clearing as he noticed the two place settings. "What no moochers tonight?" he asked with a trace of relief. Cas shook his head, doubly glad it was just him and Dean tonight, "No, Sam said he was taking Jess out on a date tonight so that she wouldn't throw him over just because his brother could cook!" Dean laughed at that, "Thank God, I'm not in the mood for people." He looked at Cas and whispered, "Except you Feathers". He quickly left the kitchen before he could embarrass himself more and missed the smile that split Cas's face, even as he blushed. Dean took the steps two at a time stripping of his shirt and undoing his belt and jeans as he went. He reached the bathroom and smacked himself in the head. "Awesome dude, make a move on Cas why don't you? You know he isn't interested in you." He turned the shower on full blast and let the jets blast away any inappropriate thoughts away. When that didn't help he turned off the hot and shivered for another 5 minutes, hoping that would help. It didn't and he gave it up as a bad joke and decided to just give in. As long as he behaved Cas would never know that Dean had feelings for him. He dressed in his favourite jeans that were so old they were almost white and his oldest T-shirt with no holes. He headed down stairs to the kitchen with a sigh of relief knowing that Cas was waiting for him. Alone. After dinner Cas cleared the dishes and brought Dean another beer. "I have a Clint Eastwood movie in the DVD player Dean, if you would like to watch it." Dean grinned, "Feathers you read my mind. C'mon the dishes can wait." They sat down on the couch in their usual places and started to watch the movie. About 10 minutes in, Dean swung his legs up and placed them on Cas's lap. He glanced over suprised and noticed Dean eyelids were drooping. "Hope you dont mind Feathers," he mumbled, "Can't seem to keep my eyes open." Before Cas could say anything in repy Dean was lying flat out on the couch imprisoning him with his long denim clad legs.

When the movie ended Dean woke with a start, and nearly died of embarrassment. "Oh fuck Cas," he exclaimed "I'm so fucking sorry. Sam would kick me to bed when I started to do that to him. You should have woke me or said something." Cas just shyly hung his head "I didn't mind Dean, you looked like you needed sleep." Dean shook his head " Yeah well if I do it again, just nudge me off the couch or something. I promise I won't be mad." Cas just nodded he liked it and hoped it would happen again, it gave him a chance to touch Dean without him knowing. Dean continued unaware of Castiel's thoughts, "Well, before I fall asleep again I'm heading to bed. And before I forget, thank you for suggesting to Sam he take Jess out," Dean laughed at Cas's expression, "I know my brother and I'm really glad you convinced him to leave us alone. I don't think I would have stayed awake long enough to drive them home and back. Especially since I fell asleep on you as soon as the movie started." He rolled of the couch and couldn't stifle a groan as misused muscles protested the movement. "Dean, are you ok?" Cas couldn't help the worried note creeping into his voice. Dean grimaced "Yeah Feathers, I'm fine. I just lifted a part today and the idjit that was helping dropped his end, and I wrenched my shoulders holding the damn thing up," he grimaced again as he moved and muscles protested again, "I'll be fine in the morning, I just stiffened up lying here." Entering his bedroom, he stripped of to his boxers, groaning a little as he moved his arms over his head to remove his shirt. Lying face down on the bed he fell asleep as soon as head hit the pillow. He jumped slightly in surprise when he felt someone straddle his hips, relaxing when he heard Cas whisper "It's okay Dean, it's just me." When he smelled the mint he mumbled "What?" and sighed with pleasure when Cas softly replied, "It's linnament Dean, I'm going to give you a massage." He couldnt hold back a moan as Cas's hands found every knot in his shoulders and neck. He fell deeper asleep as those magic hands travelled lower down his back and loosened muscles he didn't even know were tense. And when he woke up next morning he felt better than he had in years. That night after dinner Cas was shocked when again Dean swung his legs up and over his. Dean grinned at him, "You dont mind, do you Feathers? If it's a problem let me know and I won't do it again." Cas flushed a little, "No, its fine Dean. No problem at all." Dean turned back to the TV and when the movie was halfway through Cas was taken by surprise when he yawned. Dean looked at him, "You ok there Feathers?" Cas nodded and yawned again, "I think I might turn in early. I am a bit tired." Dean looked concerned and Cas felt a warm feeling as he noticed. "I didnt get to sleep until late last night, I wasn't tired after I finished your massage and I didn't want to disturb you by turning on the TV so I read for a bit. I got so engrossed in my book it it was really late before I realised it." What he didn't say was it was the feel of Deans muscled back that led to his sleepless night.

"Oh, OK Cas, I still feel great, thank you again by the way, so if it won't disturb you I might finish the movie," Dean smiled at Cas still a little concerned. Cas smiled back at him, " You're welcome Dean and the TV won't bother me at all. Good night." Dean watched Cas leave the room calling, "Good night Feathers see you in the morning," before returning his attention to the movie, forcing himself to sit still and not follow the younger man upstairs. Cas headed straight to his room and stripped down to his boxers. He climbed in to bed and pulled up the covers and fell so deeply asleep he didn't hear when Dean eventually turned off the TV and come up the stairs to his bed. Cas awoke with a scream on his lips, he was back in the attic room with Alistair, he sat up in bed, heart pounding and listened carefully. He couldn't hear Dean and realized he hadn't made a sound. Thank God, he didn't want to disturb Dean if he didn't have to. He lay back down and tried to go to sleep. He tossed and turned and eventually gave it up as a bad joke. He got up and padded through to Dean's room. He could see Deans faint outline and crossing to the bed he whispered "Dean, Dean." He got a muffled 'Mmmpphh" and continued "Dean I had a nightmare. Do you mind if I curl up here next to you?" Dean half opened an eye and said "Huh, what, yeah sure Cas," and sleepily raised the blanket in silent invitation. Cas climbed in and lay stiffly on the edge of the bed. He squeaked he as Dean he felt a strong arm encircle his waist and dragged him closer, pressing his back closer to Dean's chest. Cas gave a little moan as Dean's heat reached his frozen body and his eyes drifted shut. Next morning Dean woke up to someone breathing on his neck, an unfamiliar warmth against his body. He lay with his eyes closed, savouring the pleasant sensation and hummed sleepily in pleasure. He opened his eyes in shock when the covers were rudely flung off and cold air replaced the heat he had been enjoying. He heard a voice saying "I'm sorry Dean, so sorry" and looked around to see Cas trembling in a ball at the foot of the bed. "Feathers, what on earth are you doing?" Dean felt himself wake up fully and remembered Cas coming in after a nightmare, and he flushed a little as he recalled that he spooned Cas, just thankful that Cas was the little spoon. When Cas still said nothing but "I'm sorry" over and over and Dean realised that Cas was in shock. Dean just sat up and reached down to the end of the bed and hauled Cas up into his lap. Leaning back against the head board of the bed, Dean grabbed the blankets and tucked them around himself and Cas and started humming Hey Jude. Eventually he felt Cas relax and he stopped humming. "Good morning Feathers, to what do I owe the pleasure of waking up to you in my bed," Dean smiled as he heard Cas snuffle and a faint whisper reached his ears. "I had a nightmare last night. And I couldn't get back to sleep. I asked if I could sleep in here with you. I'm sorry if I was wrong. I thought when you lifted the blankets it meant yes. I did lay on the edge but you grabbed me and pulled me in. I didn't mean anything by it honest." Dean chuckled, "My fault Feathers. Sam suffered nightmares for months after mom died, and he would come into my bed. The only problem was he is the worlds most restless sleeper, and the only way I could get sleep was to hug him to stillness. I was three quarters asleep when you came in and I guess I thought you were Sammy. I should say sorry to you for freaking you out when I grabbed you and hugged you." It was Cas's turn to laugh when Dean dumped him on the bed. "Since we're awake I'm gonna grab a shower. And YOU can start breakfast," Dean slapped Cas on the arse to get him moving and headed to the bathroom. He called over his shoulder "Scrambled eggs bacon and coffee sound good." Cas lay for a second thinking how good it had felt to wake up in Dean's arms, even though he felt mortified when he realized where he was. He knew that he always wanted to wake up wrapped in Dean's arms and resolved that no matter what, Dean was going to be his within a month. He got up headed to his room, dressed and headed down stairs to make breakfast. Dean stood in the shower thanking God he covered his tracks with Cas. While it was true Sam slept in his bed for months, he lied when he said he thought it was Sam. He knew it was Cas. He had wanted to hold Cas just to feel how it felt to have him in his arms once, and thanked God again that Cas had moved when he did even if it was because he thought Dean would be mad. Before Dean had done anything more that just cuddle. His thoughts turned to sadness when he remembered Cas apologising and then to anger when he realized what that apology meant, and his fist tightened as he wished he could get his hands on the bastards that had traumitised his angel so badly that an innocent cuddle after a nightmare could freak him out.

A month later and Cas was meeting with Jess and Sam utterly frustrated, because Dean was still holding him at arms length since the nightmare incident. The only contact was when they watched TV and Dean would rest his legs on Cas. He wouldn't use the excuse of a nightmare to join Dean in bed again because he wanted Dean to look on him as a lover, not a brother, and was at his wits end. Cas had explained what had happened and Sam looked sad and said "No Cas, DEAN was the one who had the nightmares. I could hear him calling moms name and then he would call me, begging me not leave him too. The first time it happened I went into his bed and I could feel him shaking I had to hug him to stop. The next morning I snuck out before he knew I was there. After it happened a couple more nights, I waited until he had just gone to bed then I walked in and said I had had a nightmare and could I sleep with him. He just lifted the covers and I knew he wouldn't like me knowing he needed to be hugged so I moved around. I accidentalty on purposed kicked him in the balls before he grabbed me, and said lay still or back to your own room sasquatch." Sam laughed at the memory "That was the first time he called me that and when I objected, and told him I was smaller than him for now, he laughed and said dude that foot was HUGE now shut up and sleep Sammy. Dean knew what I had done and even though he couldn't say in words, he used to make my favourite breakfast every day." Sam smiled again "I knew he was fine when he told me that as he was sick of having no bed, I would be sleeping back in my own bed from then on. I moaned and bitched but Dean knew what I was saying. That if he was ok then I was ok." Sam looked thoughtful, "There is one thing I would like to know, though I can never ask Dean, is why every night he would hum Hey Jude until I fell asleep." Cas smiled gently at him and murmured "Your mother used to sing it to Dean when he was little every time he was sick or upset." Sam looked shocked Cas continued "He hummed it to me the first night I met him. I freaked out on him because he called you a lucky bastard because you were named after your grandfather." Jess and Sam looked stunned and Jess said "Castiel, you told Dean." Cas nodded his head and shyly whispered "I broke down completely and cried all over him. He carried me out of the car and laid down with me on the monstrosity." He heard Sam snort in derision. "Well," he continued with a laugh, "That's what Dean calls it, he cuddled me as we lay down, tucked a blanket around me and made me tell him everything." He looked up to see Sam staring at him with his mouth open. "What," he asked, confusion all over his face, "Dean only cuddled me and stroked my back." Sam just stared at him for a few minutes, stunned, "You cried on Dean? What did he do?" Cas smiled at Sam a gentle look in his eyes, "He made me soup. And let me fall asleep on him again. And the next day I asked him about humming Hey Jude and he said that he would tell me all about his mom after he made my birthday dinner. And he did."

"OH MY GOD!" Sam shouted and leaped to his feet "MY BROTHER IS IN LOVE WITH YOU CASTIEL!" Cas just looked at him, confused when Sam hugged him, "No way Sam, he treats me like a brother." Sam hugged Cas for another minute before he sat back down, "Cas, he you about mom and dad and he calls you Feathers. Right?" Cas looked confused as he nodded. Sam continued, "You know that tattoo I made Dean get." Cas nodded, "Yes I remember you mentioned a tattoo and cinnamon was involved." Sam smirked, before continuing, "Well, have you seen it yet." The smaller man shook his head, "Not really had a chance to Sam, that's why I'm getting frustrated with him." Cas frowned, "I did get a quick glimpse of it the night of my birthday dinner when I collided with Dean coming out of the bathroom in a towel." Sam smirked and gently punched Cas in the arm, "Who was more shocked, you or him." Cas laughed and blushed,"He was, but I was so embarrassed I closed my eyes and forgot to look." Sam burst out laughing, imagining the look of shock on his big brothers face, "Well," Sam managed to get himself under control, "The tattoo is a pair of angel wings, one is full and healthy, the other wing is broken and tattered. In between the top of the wings is the word SERAPHIM. Mom used to call Dean her little Seraphim, because according to most religious texts the Seraphim were protectors. And Dean's loved feathers since the time he gave one to mom. I must have been about 6 or so and Dean had found this huge white feather. It must have fallen out of a swan or a goose or something, but it was in perfect condition. Mom was having one of her bad days that day, so Dean came in carrying this feather to try and make her feel a little better. She smiled, and Cas when mom smiled her whole face lit up, and she smiled at him and said in this sweet voice, Oh Dean, thank you for giving me one of your wing feathers." Dean stammered and blushed, and told her in a small voice But its not mine mom. That amazing woman just shook her head and said My little Seraphim I know you wanted to cheer me up but I dont want you pulling out any more of your beautiful feathers for me. I like knowing your wings are strong and healthy. Dean blushed even redder and he ran out of the room. I know it was because he didn't want her to see him cry. She kept that feather with her until the day she died and sometimes I would see her stroke it gently and smile. And it might be wishful thinking but I swear she always looked better after touching it." Sam sniffed and wiped his eye, "If you look in Deans room," he went on, "You'll see that exact feather in a frame right next to a photo of our mom sitting next to his bed." Sam smiled at Cas, "For Dean to give you soup after you CRIED on him, AND he told you about mom and dad AND he calls you FEATHERS AND the fact you know the reason for Hey Jude and I didn't, is Deanspeak for I love you, Castiel. The fact he doesn't touch you means he's scared of fucking it up and losing you. He can't admit it even to himself, but I know my brother better than he does and I'm telling you. HE LOVES YOU! Now lets get my brother and you together."

Cas grinned, "Sounds good to me. What do I do?" Jess frowned as she tried to think of a legitimite reason for her cousin to get his hands on Dean, "Well, you have magic hands, offer to give him a massage." Cas blushed and stammered in embarassment and a little pride, "I, um, I already gave him one." Sam whistled and smirked as Jess smacked him, "Good one Cas, when did you get your hands on my big brother, what was the excuse and why aren't you still touching him every chance you have?" Cas blushed even redder,"Um, it was the Friday night that you had Date Night, he lay down on the couch and put his legs on me, asked if I minded. I said it was fine and 10 minutes into the movie, Clint Eastwood, he fell asleep. When the movie finished he woke up, told me I should have made him go to bed," Cas glanced at Sam with a grin, "He said you would have." Sam laughed, "I may have kicked him upstairs a few times. And he always used me as a leg rest." Cas nodded and continued, "He got up and said he was going to bed but when he stretched he groaned and said his muscles had stiffened up. I asked what happened and he said someone was helping him lift a heavy part at work and the other guy dropped it and it wrenched his shoulders. I followed him upstairs and by the time I got the linnament he was already asleep. I gave him a massage and well he fell asleep on me." Cas laughed, "So Jess, my magic fingers put him to sleep, what other bright ideas you got?" Jess slapped his arm, ignoring Sam who was laughing like a lunatic in the corner, "Well, you like running, how about you get a pair of shorts and a singlet that may, or may not be, your size and walk in front of him. He will notice that you are definitely not his brother." Sam smirked, "And don't forget Cas, Dean has a serious cinnamon fetish." He laughed at the look on Cas's face, "Hey it works." Cas got up and gathered his books as they heard the Impala pull up outside. He hugged them both goodbye and just before he left, he remembered something else and he turned to Sam, "You said you tricked Dean into getting his tattoo, and you felt so guilty you got one too. What is yours?" Sam blushed and ducked his head, suddenly shy, "Its a star with morning written across the middle. My mom called me her morning star."

"Cas, is anything wrong?" Dean glanced over at his unusually silent passenger. "Hhmm?" Cas startled and realised Dean was talking to him, "Oh, no Dean, I'm fine. "Why?" he blushed as thoughts wandered back to the discussion he had with Sam and Jess. "You're just really quiet is all, I was worried something happened to you today," Dean still sounded concerned. Cas shrugged, feeling bad that he had worried Dean over nothing, "I've just got some big assignments due and I'm a little afraid I might fail." Dean smirked at him as he glanced over again, "I may not know much about what you're doing Cas, but if you want my help just ask." Cas laughed, pleased that he had managed to distract Dean from worry, "Dean you already help me everyday." Dean blushed and turned his attention back to the road, leaving Cas to think of what Jess and Sam had told him. They reached home and Cas got out of the car still lost in thought. He had reached the front door before he realised Dean hadn't got out of the car. "Dean, are you alright?" Cas headed back to the Impala confusion all over his face as Dean hadn't even opened door. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I just twisted my back today at work, and I'm just having a little touble getting out of the car," Dean's voice was full of frustration and Cas could see that Dean hated to admit he needed help. " DEAN!" Cas's voice shook with concern "Why didn't you ring me, I could have walked home." Dean shook his head, "Feathers I'm fine. Bobby helped me and once I was sitting in the car I felt fine, but I think I've stiffened up. Go inside I'll be there in a minute," his face twisted in self disgust as he reached for the handle. Cas shook his head at the hiss of pain and opened the door for him, "Lean on me Dean, I'll help you." Dean smiled and slid an arm around Cas's shoulders with another hiss as his abused muscles protested. "All right Feathers, I suppose you'll just nag me if I don't let you help. If you can walk backwards I should be able to slide out and not twist." Dean grunted as Cas walked backwards and he slid from the car little sounds of pain escaping despite him. Wincing he stood up as straight as he could as Cas reached in and grabbed the keys out of the ignition. He slipped an arm around Dean's waist breathing, "Sorry Dean," when he felt the taller man wince in pain. "'S'okay Cas," Dean whispered "I'll be fine when I can lie down." They reached the door, and Dean frowned, "I dont' think I can make it upstairs Cas, just take me into the living room. Please?" Cas half led half carried him in and helped Dean sit down, wincing in sympathy as he felt the taller flinch. "I'm going to have to take this shirt off you Dean so I can get a proper look at what you have done to yourself. All right?" Dean nodded, biting his lip, to keep from groaning in pain as Cas helped him take of his shirt. Cas helped Dean lie face down on the couch and took a look at his back. He had to stifle a gasp as he noticed the livid bruise that covered half of Dean's back. "What in heavens name happened today Dean?"

Dean tried to shrug catching his breath when his back twinged."It all began when my least favourite person walked in the door, her and her yapping rat, her eyes that look like a deer caught in headlights. To tell the truth I have my doubts that she's even a woman, demon from hell more like." He laughed and winced, "Ow, bad move. Anyway, she came in and said she heard a knocking sound in her engine. Again. I said Ok if you can give me a few minutes I'll be right with you. She made a sound that sounded like a male cat in heat, I'm serious Cas, don't make me laugh, and she said of course Dean I'll give you all the time you want. She ran her fingers down my arm as she said it." He went to shudder and caught himself before he hurt himself again. "I finished up on the job I was on and went to wash up before I started on her car. She walked over to watch me and she said I love your hands Dean they so look so manly. Eeewww! I ignored her as I lifted the hood and looked at the engine. She put her bag down with the dog in it and stood right behind me, as she always does, and put her hand on my back and started running it down my spine. Man, I nearly hit the ceiling when she did that and I stepped sideways to get out of reach. The only problem with that was her little rat/dog had gotten out of the bag, and I tripped over it. It yelped and I fell backwards. It would have been fine , except Bobby had just hired a new guy and he had left the toolbox in the middle of the floor. I fell into it and slid down the edge to the floor. Bobby was livid and the guy doesn't work there anymore. Bobby's pretty easy going usually, the only exception is if you leave things lying around where they don't belong. He was going to let me come home early, I told him I only had a couple hours to wait until it was time to pick you up. Bobby called me a fucking idjit and put me in the car. On the plus side I wont have to put up with that demoness any more. Bobby had seen her dog was loose and banned her from ever coming back again." Dean gave Cas a dopey smile. "DEAN WINCHESTER" Cas yelled "WHY DID YOU NOT COME AND PICK ME UP EARLY?" The smile left Dean's face and he looked down at his hands, "I left straight after Bobby put me in the car." Cas couldn't believe what he was hearing, "IT TOOK YOU 2 HOURS TO DRIVE THERE, DEAN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? " Dean looked up at him with glassy eyes, "I'm sorry Cas," he whispered, "I like it when I drive you home and I knew I would need help getting out of the car and I didn't want to ask Bobby or Sam. I only wanted you." Cas sat back stunned at the confession. "Dean, why did you only want me. Surely Sam would have been able to get you up the stairs in to bed." Dean whispered, almost to low for Cas to hear him, "The way I feel Feathers, no one would get me up those stairs, not even Sammy." His eyes slowly drifted shut and he mumbled something else. Cas asked him to repeat himself but Dean was sound asleep. Cas looked for Dean's phone and found Bobby's number. He was a little stunned when it rang in his hands before he had a chance to call and was stunned to see Bobby's name on the screen, "Hello" he stuttered after he hesitated a moment before he decided it would be a good idea to answer it. A gruff voice came over the line "Is that idjit passed out yet?" Cas glanced at Dean whose head was lolling against the back of the couch, "Yes he is." A sigh came over the line from the other person, "Good" came the reply "I take it you're Cas. I'm Bobby, nice to talk to you in person. I know that idjit boy won't have told you everything and I know you were about to ring me, so here we are" the voice laughed. Cas relaxed, "You must be a mind reader," he laughed a little surprised that Bobby had gotten it so right. "Nope," Bobby huffed out his own version of a laugh, "Just know my boys." He huffeded again, "He told you he fell right?" Cas nodded before he realised Bobby couldn't see through the phone,"Yes, he told me he fell into a toolbox." Bobby said "Did he tell you that the tool box stands chest high to him, AND is made of solid steel, AND takes at least 2 of us to move it?" Bobby's tone was both amused and exasaperated. "No," the word barely out of Cas's mouth before Bobby interrupted him, "I knew it, damn idjit. Did he tell you I drove him to the hospital to get xrayed? And they wanted to keep him overnight because he has a couple broken ribs and a sprained wrist and cracked skull. And I'll bet he didn't tell you they wanted to give him painkillers straight away but he said no to that, because he had to drive you home. And they would only let him go home if he promised he would take them as soon he got home. "No" whispered Cas as he remembered Dean sitting in the car. Had he taken them when Cas wasn't watching, so as not to worry him. And why he waited, was it to make sure they would be working before he had to move."Ha Ellen, you owe me 10 bucks," Bobby shouted to someone in the distance. Cas heard a female voice answer, "Not yet Bobby Singer, ask Castiel who Dean wanted with him at home." Cas was confused by the exchange, why did these people want to know who Dean wanted? "Well Cas," Bobby spoke back into the phone, "Who did Dean want?" Cas whispered softly, "Me," blushing as he heard Ellen's voice saying "20 bucks Singer. Hand it over." Bobby grumbled a bit, "Thanks Cas, you lost me a 20" Cas snickered, "Sorry." Ellen's voice came over the line clearer, "Don't you worry Cas, Bobby's only teasing. We've heard so much about you that we feel like we know you, and Bobby and I made a little bet, double or nothing, about who Dean would rather have at home. Bobby said Sam but I know Mary's angel goes with his heart."

Cas was glad that they couldn't see his blush over the phone. "What are you talking about" he said trying to bluff. Ellen replied, with a smile in her voice, "Castiel, Dean speaks of nothing but you, and I've known that boy since he was born. I helped Mary raise her boys and when she left us, I was the only mother they had left. I know how Dean feels even if he doesn't admit it to himself yet, and I couldn't be happier for you and him." She whispered softly "Mary would approve of you too. Take care of him Cas and if you're not interested let him know now. He deserves to have someone to love him as much as he loves everyone else." Cas whispered to her "Ellen, I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, if he will have me." Ellen took a deep breath before asking just as softly,"And if he doesn't? What will you do then?" Cas took a deep breath, "If he wants me to leave, I will but I would be leaving my soul behind." Ellen sighed in relief, "I'm so happy Mary's Seraphim has you Castiel and if he doesn't wake up and tell you he feels the same way, soon, I will personally slap some sense into him." Cas was startled into a laugh and after exchanging a promise to let them know if he need help Cas hung up the phone. He glanced at Dean to make sure he was still sleeping, shaking his head at the stubborness of the man. A few minutes later Dean stirred, "Cas? You there Cas?" Dean looked around at the sound of a footstep, closing his eyes at the dizzinessthat had his head swim for a moment as he moved to fast. "I'm here Dean, what do you need?" Cas spoke softly, not wanting to talk to loud in case Dean had a headache. Dean whispered back, "Cas, could you help me up to bed please? I think the painkillers have kicked in." He forgot that he hadn't mentioned that he had been given them and Cas didn't want to upset him by telling him that he knew Dean had lied. "Ok Dean, I suppose it's my turn to carry you." Dean laughed and then hissed in pain as his ribs and head protested. "Ouch, Cas don't make me laugh I hurt too bad." Cas grimaced, mentally slapping himself as he remembered how injured Dean was, "Sorry Dean, lets get you up the stairs unless you want to stay down here." Dean cut off a whimper at the thought of going upstairs with his head thumping in time to his heart beat but the thought of stretching out made him whisper, "My bed, PLEASE Feathers." Cas gently slipped his arms around Dean and helped him off the couch, whispering "Sorry Dean" every time he heard a groan. Until Dean had enough to snap apologetically, "Sokay Cas just bed please now." After a very painful half hour Cas finally managed to gently sit Dean on the bed, he heard Dean actually whimper when Cas told him, "Just a minute Dean, I have to take your clothes and boots off so you're more comfortable." With as much help as Dean could give, mostly just sitting very still and lifting when he was told to, Cas finally got Dean stripped to his boxers and lying down. He was about to leave when he heard a muffled, "Stay with me. Please Feathers?" Cas returned to the bed and saw Dean looking at him through half shut eyes, "I don't want to be alone." Cas was shocked to see a tear tremble on Deans lashes. He softly whispered, "Of course Dean" and the eyes closed. He was about to find a chair when he heard a slurred "Cas, whererugoin, Casdonleavemepleez." He turned back again to see Dean looking at him his eyes glazed, "CasIwantyoutostayonmybedwithmeplease." Deans words ran together in his drug haze. Cas repeated softly, "Of course Dean" and as he gently got on the bed, trying not to hurt Dean, he was relieved to see his eyes flutter closed. He drifted off lying stiffly of the edge off the bed so as not to disturb awoke to feel the bed shake. He glanced over at Dean shocked to see him shivering violently. He was whimpering and calling "Caswhereareyou CASICANTFINDYOU DONTLEAVEME FEATHERSWHEREAREYOU." His heart breaking he whipspered "Ssshhh Dean I'm here." Dean settled a little but the shivering continued, and the voice went from a shout to a whisper, but no less heartbreaking, "CasImcold Cassocold whereareyou?" And remembering what Sam had told him about Dean's nightmares put his arms gently around him, caareful not to grip to tight because of the cracked ribs, relieved when the shivering slowly stopped, but when Dean continued to whimper started humming softly, Hey Jude. Dean quietened as he dropped into a healing sleep.

Dean woke the next morning to find that while his ribs were still sore at least he didn't have a brass band in his brain. He opened his eyes to find Cas lying next to him propped on an elbow. "Morning Sunshine," Cas grinned "How do we feel today?" Dean smiled back, a little confused to find Cas in his bed, and said "Morning yourself, I would kill for a coffee actually." Cas laughed, "You must be feeling better if you're asking for coffee." Cas slipped out of bed "Stay there, I'll be back in a minute." Dean lay there but when he heard Cas yell down the stairs , "He's awake," struggled to get up. Cas walked in and growled "Dean Winchester you lie still and wait." And to Dean's surprise he slipped back into bed next to him. "If you want to sit up I'll help" he said and gently placing an arm around him helped him up into a sitting position. He heard footsteps outside the door and looked up, a little startled to see Ellen walk in carrying a tray. She put it down on the drawers next to the bed and bent down to kiss Dean on the cheek. "Good morning Angel," Dean blushed and looked down at his hands shyly. "Ellen," he whispered, glancing at Cas from under his lashes. "Dont you Ellen me Dean Winchester. I've been calling you Angel since you were a baby and I will Angel you now if I so desire." Dean swallowed, before murmuring, "Yes Ellen. " Ellen glared at him for another second before she continued,"I expect you would like breakfast now. Yes?" Dean blushed, "Ummm," his blush deepened as he looked from her to Cas and back again. She followed his glance, "We've already met, no thanks to you Dean Winchester." Dean ducked his head "What happened? I only hurt myself yesterday." Cas looked at him with a serious expression on his face, "Dean you've been unconcious for 2 days." Dean looked up shocked as Cas went on, "You had a reaction to the painkillers the hospital gave you. You were raving and freezing. I tried but I couldn't get you warm. I had to ring Bobby and Ellen for help because everytime I left you, you would start screaming again." Dean blushed as Ellen handed him a tray, "Here Dean eat your breakfast and maybe next time you get told to stay in hospital, you will listen." Dean noticed there were 2 of everything on the tray and he glanced up at Ellen again. "Of course I'm going to feed Cas," she replied to his unspoken question, "The poor boy couldn't and wouldn't leave your side," she laughed as Dean blushed again "I'll leave you two alone now. But I expect you to bring Castiel around soon, and introduce him to us properly Dean Winchester." Dean mumbled a, "Yes ma'am," and heard Cas snort. "You take care of him Cas and don't let him get away with anything." Dean honestly didn't think he could blush any harder, but when he heard the laughing voice beside him "Say I won't Ellen" he found that he could.

They heard Ellen laugh all the way down the stairs and it was only when they heard the front door close that Dean looked at his tray. He whispered "I'm sorry Cas, I didn't mean any of it." Dean felt a hand on his face and tried and failed to keep his head down. Cas gently lifted Dean's chin up, "Dean you called my name and said you couldn't find me. I tried telling you I was right in front of you, but you called louder." Dean's blush came back as Cas continued "The only way I could get you to calm down was to hold you and hum Hey Jude." Dean swallowed a lump "That's what I did for you the first night you were here." Cas didn't speak just nodded with a small smile. "I'm glad you stayed Cas, I lo..," Dean stopped and cleared his throat, "I might have a shower if that's ok?" Cas looked at Dean, and his smile grew wider, "That's fine Dean, as long as you leave the door open so can hear you if you need me." Dean agreed and slipped out of bed and promptly sat back as his legs wobbled. Cas reached out an arm to steady him. "Cas will you help me to the bathroom please? My legs are like jelly," Dean grumbled. Cas laughed as he jumped out of bed and slipping an arm around Dean's waist, helped him into the bathroom. Cas made sure Dean was steady with a soft, "I'm right outside if you need me Dean." Feeling happy that they made it to the bathroom without a problem Dean grinned, "Thanks Feathers." Cas returned the smile fondly,"Remember," he warned mock sternly, "Door open. If you feel dizzy or weak call out to me. I don't want anything to happen to you again Dean Winchester. You're MINE now. And the sooner you admit to yourself that I'M YOURS, the better." And before Dean realised what Cas had just said he found himself standing alone in the bathroom. His only thought being that he somehow manage to get through a simple shower by himself without embarrasing himself by needing to call out for Cas. Dean was in the shower, eyes closed and moaning a little as the hot water loosened tense muscles when remembered Cas's last words to him before leaving the bathroom. "Wait a minute did Cas just say, I'M HIS NOW," he thought, " AND ADMIT WHAT TO MYSELF? HE'S MINE, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED..." and then it hit him, "I LOVE CAS! AND, CAS LOVED HIM!" he opened the shower to shout out to Cas and let him know only to find the man standing there. "You sure took your time Dean Winchester, I thought I might have to hit you again," Cas laughed and entering the shower, grabbed the soap. Dean slipped his arms around Cas and the scent of cinnamon sent all but one thought out of his brain. "I LOVE YOU CASTIEL" he heard a gasp, "You heard me Cas, I love you, and I want you to be MY Feathers forever." His words were cut off as Cas kissed him for the first but not the last time. "I love you Dean winchester, and I want to be YOUR Feathers forever." Dean laughed and kissed him back, "How do you feel about being called Castiel Winchester?" Cas, who was speechless with happiness, could only nod smiling widely. Dean laughed louder and kissed him again.


End file.
